Tragedy...

Lately, its been on my mind.  The awful horrific tragedy in CT on Friday.  You see, I was perfectly content, at work Friday evening, when I finally walked into the break room to be inundated with news stories of the absolutely horrible outcome of the shooting of 26 people.  20 of those people were small children, 6 and 7 years old.  You know, all I can do is cry for these people.  I remember getting upset with my girls on Friday morning because they were taking too long to get ready for school, I still gave them hugs and kisses, told them that I loved them, and that I'd see them after I got off work that night.  Who could have ever thought that those poor 20 children would never get to say goodbye to their parents again, hold their parents hands, give them a hug and a kiss and head off to school.  Its been tearing me up, learning about the things that happened.  A 27 year old teacher locked her kids up in cabinets and told the shooter that her kids were already in the gym, so he shot her, and went to the gym...she died, but she died a hero, saving every single one of her children.  The only sole survivor of the classroom that was gunned down was a little girl who had the foresight to play dead among all of her classmates.  She was the first one out of the school and was covered in blood from head to toe.  None of these lives will ever ever be the same.  All because of another child....a 20 year old boy, who decided to shoot up this school of innocent children.  The only conclusion that I can think of, and it may be true or not, I really don't know, but I wonder if somehow in his skewed mind he thought that his mother (the first victim shot at their house) loved her students more than him, so he went on a rampage.  Maybe it will make me sleep better at night to think something like that.  Either way there is true evil in the world.  Its heartbreaking, its devastating, and it just reminds me of the fact that we may not know how much time we have left.  Hug those kids, love them, don't yell at them.  I'm a cashier at a grocery store and over the last few days, I see parents frustrated, yelling at their kids, and it breaks my heart because I can't help but think what a parent in CT would give just to be able to see their sweet little boy or girl again.  I get frustrated with my kids too, I find myself getting upset with them as well, but I also am trying to remind myself that life still has to go on.  We never ever know what could happen.  We just have to live our lives in a way that makes us better people.  I can't even begin to imagine what the parents are going through, I honestly don't think I could handle it.  As a mom, as a parent, I just cannot fathom what I would do if one or both of my children were murdered in cold blood...I just can't believe that anyone could be so cold....but it does happen.
You know when Columbine happened, I was in high school, myself.  It didn't affect me except to make me more aware of danger.  We had bomb threats afterwards and I got a cell phone to hopefully ensure that if something happened, I could at least call someone.  When 9/11 happened, I cried, I wasn't a mother at the time, and couldn't relate as well, it was awful, so many people lost their lives that day, including little ones in daycare.  Maybe I'm just older, but those tragedies haven't hit home with me like this one has.  I have a 10 year old, and an 8 year old, I love my kids fiercely, and would give anything for them to have a good/happy life.  To me, someone purposefully going into an elementary school, shooting innocent children, its just horrific....it touches me more because I am a mother, what if that had been my child, or my children?  I feel so incredibly sad for those affected by this tragedy.  I wish there was something I could do that would help ease the pain of some of those people.  In a few months, this tragedy won't be as fresh, things will get back to normal and I hope that I can remind myself to be a little nicer, hug a little harder, and enjoy them a little more.  Its absolutely unspeakable how awful this whole tragedy is.  I sincerely hope that nothing like this EVER happens again, its sad when its scary to send my kids to school....

Please please please, just make sure you love on your kids and don't get so mad the next time they are frustrating you, think about the parents that would give anything to have their babies back right now, even just to get frustrated with them....

Bella

This is what I do when my house is cleaned, I want to take pictures and my kids are at school...

She's soooo cute!!

Great weekend...

I had the chance to watch my niece over the weekend.  It was fantastic.  She wore me out, I forgot what its like having a small child in the house.  I had a great time though, and would gladly steal her away from my sister in the future, lol.
We also had a chance to have a fellow couple over for dinner and drinks.  Now, being that I am still trying to LOSE weight, I really shouldn't be eating or drinking the things I had this weekend, but also being where I am in my weight loss journey, it doesn't seem to hurt my efforts.  I maintain instead of lose is the difference.  My husband smoked a brisket on his big green egg, I made some bacon seasoned corn, a ranch pasta salad, a fruit salad and an orange lemon bundt cake.  It was all delicious.  Our friends brought over homemade tortilla's that were just super yummy!  Basically the meal consisted of fatty protein and a ginormous amount of carbs.  Not a great dinner, that is for sure.  I don't want to go back to doing what I was doing before, I don't want to ever get big again, but a treat now and then shouldn't kill me.  I still kept my portions very small.  I had a bite of the tortilla and it filled me up quite quickly, so I didn't eat as much of the other things that I would have needed to.  I still felt that I did okay.  I had the meat, a little bit of corn, a little bit of fruit, and a very small bit of pasta salad.  I haven't had pasta in a really long time, I didn't realize how much it blew up in my tummy.  I had two pieces of pasta and had to spit them out.  I had a very small piece of cake and we sipped wine.  By the end of the night, between chasing after the baby, and cooking a lot of the day and cleaning in preparation, I was exhausted.  I had a great time, but I'm not perfect.  I haven't been perfect in this journey, I don't think I'll ever be perfect.  The most I can hope for, is to get right back on track where I was.  My meals are getting a little bigger, but I'm almost a full year out.  I cannot believe that this time last year, I was 262 lbs and waiting to have surgery.  Its amazing to me.  Today, I'm 144.2 lbs, and I have energy to spare.
My daughter asked what the heck I was doing earlier, you see, when I make my coffee in the morning, I do exercises.  While I'm waiting for it to warm up, I start doing squats, leg lifts, calf raises.  I'm trying to fit it all in whenever I can.  I want to be successful, and I still won't consider my weight loss a success until my husband has been home for a year.  Already, I'm seeing the repercussions of him being home.  My head goes to an entirely different place, maybe its comfort, maybe its not, I'm not sure.  But when he's home, I feel that its okay to have a splurge here or there, but more often than I did than when he was away.  I need to continue with this fight, I have to keep fighting, keep making sure that I can DO this.  I went through so much pain, so much effort, so many different things that I think I would just be devastated to even gain 5 lbs at this point.  I had surgery for a reason, and I need that reason to be with me at all times.

Someday, I hope to get another tattoo.  If I ever get off of my blood thinners, then I can.  I want to get a reminder in white ink on my wrist.  Something that I can see, a reminder all the time.  But not something that people notice immediately when they see me.  I'm not sure if I want to get the highest number of my weight, or just something that says don't ever give up.  I just want something to remind me every single day, on my body.  Sigh.  I hope that my blood clot goes away and I can get off of the meds.  I have to get going back to the doctor to get another MRI to find out if it is gone away, or if I have to basically stay on these meds for the rest of my life.  Nobody said this journey was going to be an easy one!

Either way, right now, if I didn't lose another pound, I think I'd be okay.  I'd LIKE to get lower, but I'm also content where I am.  One of the reasons I'd like to get a little lower is so that 1) I'm not at the high end of the normal BMI (being 145 is the highest, 146 is considered overweight, lol), 2) I'd like to have a bit of cushioning, just in case I did regain a little bit of weight.  My goal weight is 135.  Still 10 lbs away-ish.  The last 10 lbs are the hardest to lose right!?  If I could manage to get down to 125-130, that would be ideal so that I could have a little bit of cushioning.  I do worry that I'd be TOO thin, but I have a dear friend who has done very well with her weight loss journey, she is down to 111 and she looks amazing.  I've never thought she looked too thin.  So hopefully, I could have that type of success as well.  For now, I have to make some new appointments because I'm almost a full year out.  Blood has to be taken to make sure I'm getting in enough vitamins, I have to have a bone density scan, I have to probably get another MRI for my blood clot, and I have to follow up with my nutritionist.  I can still do this right?  Sometimes it gets really overwhelming!

Sweetest niece ever!

Me, completely worn out, loving my niece!!

Room by Emma Donoghue

Jack is a sweet little boy, curious, and mature for his age.  He's intelligent and he loves his Ma more than anything in the world.  Jack's world is a small room in a shed, in a back of a yard.  His Ma and him are locked in, with only a TV with bunny ears that is often fuzzy to view the world 'outside.'  Old Nick tricked Ma 7 years ago, and she's been in Room ever since.  Jack doesn't know that the TV is the world though, he thinks its not real, he believes his Room is his real.  Soon, Ma convinces Jack to pretend he's dead, and he does an amazing job.  He's the savior of their little world, saving Ma and him from a lifetime in Room.  This book takes the reader on a journey through the eyes of a 5 year old little boy, who is very intelligent, his Ma does an amazing job of teaching him to read and write, explaining things in a way he understands.  Soon, Ma and Jack are thrust into the world, Jack is brand new to the world, he's never even been outside in the fresh air before.  He is experiencing everything in the world that you and I would take for granted.  The colors of paints, shoes, foods, anything that we as a culture experience every single day, is brand new for this remarkable 5 year old child.  There are, of course, ups and downs when it comes to living in the 'outside.'  It gets stressful, difficult and at times, he just wants to go back to Room with his Ma.  Ma has a difficult time adjusting as well, 7 years is a long time to be locked away from society, away from the world, people, and family.  The world has changed, people moved on, family has grown.  All in all, this is an amazingly heart wrenching book.  You won't want to put it down after a while.  Wanting to see what could happen next.  What happens to Jack, what happens to Ma.  How are they able to move on and live now that they are outside of Room.  Attachments and change are hard to deal with, especially when you are only 5 years old.

I loved this book.  I will admit that at first, it was a bit difficult trying to read in a 5 year olds language, but the author does a very good job relating to Jack.  You really feel as if you are right there with him.  You end up wanting to hold this sweet child, and make him feel loved.  You may even want to scold him when he does something any other 5 year old would do.  I felt that this book portrayed the characters accurately.  As a Mother, I just wanted to hold onto my children and be grateful for my own life.  I would highly recommend this book, its a MUST read for all.  It will make you want to cry, want to laugh, and want to yell.  That, in my opinion, is what I call a good book.  When it can elicit emotions from the reader.  This book may not be a true story, but it very well could be.  I enjoyed it, and I hope you do as well.

Life

Life at the moment has been trying.  Don't get me wrong, its absolutely wonderful to have my husband home again, however, there is still a big adjustment.  I've heard a lot of wives say that they just go back to normal as soon as their husband comes home.  There is no adjustment period.  For me, this year, that is not the case.  We've been through 4 deployments, a Korea tour, and many many schools in between.  This adjustment is a bit different.  First being that I had surgery, so him adjusting to my way of life now is difficult for him, its also difficult for me to adjust to having another person in the household.  Second, there is the issue of my blood clotting fun.  I will call it fun just because its SO not, lol.  I bruise very very easily, rollercoasters at Disney bruised me, things that most people wouldn't get a bruise from, bruise me.  The bathtub makes my bum sore, things like that, are difficult for him to understand.  We also have to think about the kids.  Autumn is in her tween stage a bit, and while I've gotten used to the hormones in the past year, my husband has not.  Sierra thinks she can get away with more now that Daddy is home, oh and I can't forget the house.  Its a disaster!  Talk about some adjustments!  I'm getting used to having someone in the bed with me, I'm getting used to my husbands messes, I'm getting used to having someone else in the house period.  Sometimes it can still be overwhelming.  Its just a way of life with the Army and being married into it.  Nobody said it was easy, but it certainly takes a certain person to deal with it.

Things will get better, this adjustment is just a bit more difficult.  Especially with my NEW way of life.  I still don't eat very much, and not all foods sit well with me.  Paul wants me to have a glass of wine with him in the evenings sometimes, and while I love to, it just isn't feasible all the time.  I've tried, and there are a lot of wines that don't sit well with my new tummy, I also drink one glass of wine and I'm down for the count, lol.  I don't want to ruin any hard work I've done, I also don't want to waste my calories or carbs on a drink of all things.  Its just another adjustment.  He enjoys having a drink with dinner in the evenings, I would rather not. There is also the fact that my husband received an amazing gift from my Dad.  His new grill.  Its very impressive, I must say, and he doesn't want me cooking the main meat, so I end up doing the vegetables, he does the meat and I occasionally will make a light dessert to go with.  Its been great, but my husband LOVES to cook fatty meats.  He's done ribs, pulled pork, brisket, dark meat chickens, and sausages.  Sounds really good, but its not so great for my tummy, or my weight loss efforts.  I'm used to eating chicken breasts, cheeses, turkey breast, and fish and rarely some steak or beef.  I've discussed these things with him, and he's agreed to let me choose the meats that we eat, and he will figure out a way to cook them, and for special occasions we can have those fatty meats.  He's been amazing when it comes to me discussing my limitations with him, he's very understanding and is doing his best to accommodate me.  I'm extremely grateful, but again, its just been another adjustment.

We just got back from our vacation to Disney World, so the adjustments are becoming more noticeable.  Things will be a little easier when the girls start school again, and he is back at work normally.  I can start working out again, taking care of the meals for the most part, and things won't be in disarray.

Disney World was so much fun.  I absolutely LOVED it.  It rained quite a bit while we were there, but it made the lines less long.  We were able to ride all of the rides, enjoy a lot of shows, and all without the enormous amount of people.  Still, it wasn't all fun when I was a drowned rat shivering my butt off.  It was an experience I will never forget though.

In weight loss news, I'm down to 144 lbs, officially no longer overweight according to my BMI range.  I'm in the NORMAL weight category.  Did I ever really TRULY think that was going to happen, NO WAY!  I'm very impressed, and extremely happy with my progress.  I've lost 118 lbs, and my husband cannot keep his hands OFF of me, lol.  I'm tiny...size 6's, and even those are a bit big at times.  Dresses are a small, shirts are mediums or so...I'm still not comfortable wearing a too tight shirt or anything though.  Loose works for me, and I also have excess skin, especially on my legs.  My butt gets numb after I sit on it a bit, its hard to shave my pits because they are quite literally PITS, lol.  My hair is still falling out, but all of that, I wouldn't trade for the world.  I feel great, I can run and jump around with my kids, I can handle being in the heat, I can handle walking long ways, up and down stairs, I even park a ways away from the store, just because.  I can wear normal clothes, and I'm healthy.  That is the most important thing.  It hasn't always been easy, far from it, actually.  But its all worth it.

Here are some pics from our vacation, it was amazing!

He's home...

Waiting...

 Ready, set, go!

 So happy to have him back in my arms.

Our little family is complete once again.  =)

And here is the difference between last year and this one.  I am 148 in the first picture, and 262 in the second picture.  What a difference!?!  Just for fun, I tried on this outfit that I wore when I dropped him off...the shirt is a dress on me, and I can fit my body in ONE of the pant legs, you know, like the commercials!  I'm so happy with progress!

Reminder...

I probably need to remind myself to come to my blog.  I miss writing.  Sometimes, I just write emails to my husband to get out all of my feelings on something....then I don't much feel like writing anymore on a blog, or I get busy.  Sometimes, I just get lazy.  =/  I will try to be more attentive to my poor blog though.  I have lots of updates, and things as well as pictures!  For now, I'll leave you with the girls' Easter picture, I love it!

Its been a while...

Sorry, things are getting very busy for me lately.  That means good things to come in the next month or so.  My weight is down to 157.6!  I've lost 105 lbs.  Not a small feat, but I'm still going.  I'm killing it at the gym with a friend who is on the same page as me fitness wise, and that helps A LOT!  I'm also much busier doing things around the house and vice versa.  We are probably going to trade in our van to get something smaller, more fuel efficient, and not having mechanical issues, please.  The girls are doing great in school, Autumn is gearing up for the TAKS tests next week.  School is coming to a close which means that this deployment is almost over.  Its been a long, trying year, but we are almost there.  I will update a little more when I have time, just needed to get on here and check in!

Catching butterflies...

Last weekend when I was visiting my Mom, we decided to check out a garage sale, or 5, and along the way, Autumn found a butterfly net.

So this weekend it was beautiful outside, the girls were outside trying to find and catch butterflies, hold them for a few minutes and they were happy to let them go afterwards.  They got a little bit lucky in our own yard, catching two butterflies.

Then I had a brilliant idea.  I decided to take them for a nature walk.  We live in a neighborhood that is being built up.  Its not quite finished and still has a lot of weeds, flowers, and life.  So we took a long walk down the road and found all kinds of fun things.

Fields of weed flowers

Pretty Texas Bluebonnets

 Buzzing little bees

Interesting unique flowers

 The girls getting along

Pretty butterflies galore

Construction anyone?

Someone ought to clean those tracks!

The week is flying by

Is it already Saturday?  Wow, this week flew by for me.  That's a good thing in many many ways.  One because its Saturday and who doesn't love a Saturday.  Two, I am that much closer to my husband coming home to me.  I can't wait.  Three, I get to spend time with my kids.  I don't have a little one at the house anymore, so I don't feel like I get to spend as much time with my kids as I would like.  Soon enough, they won't WANT to spend time with me, so I have to find creative ways to spend time with them right now.  I get lonely.  I have friends, but miss the ones that will come over at the drop of a hat.  I like spending time with people, I also really miss entertaining all the time.  Then again, I hate doing all the cleaning before and after, especially the dishes.  Instead of a maid, I just need someone to come over to my house to do the dishes everyday.  That would be great!
I've been losing weight this week, which is another great thing.  Down to 164.6...will I make it to my goal of having lost 100 lbs by my 8 mos surgiversary?  Only time will tell.  But its only two lbs away too.  I think if I give it my all, it could happen.
Found out that the girls made straight A's on their report cards again this six weeks.  I'm so very happy about that.  I love my smart little nerdy girls!  My oldest literally always has her nose in a book, and I absolutely LOVE it.  Sierra likes books too, but isn't always reading a book where ever she goes.  Its gotten to the point where I have to tell Autumn to pay attention to where she's walking because she might run into something while she's reading.  She reads during dinner...and that isn't a good thing either because it takes her so long to eat as it is.  I just don't have the heart to tell her to take a break from reading.  I'd much rather have my girls reading than watching TV, so it warms my heart when Autumn is sitting on the couch reading, while the rest of us are watching TV.
The dogs are doing well, the cat is always super sweet and curious, no changes there.  I ended up mowing the front and back yard, it looks great now, but I can tell, I'm probably going to have to do it again this week sometime.  The lawn isn't nearly as hard to do now that I've lost so much weight.  I would actually rather mow than do the dishes, lol.
So its another week down, another week closer, and I really can't wait to have him in my arms again.  The deployments are never easy, but it seems to get a little harder to be away from him the longer we've been married...

My nicely mowed backyard!  =)

Something might be working...

The only problem is I don't know what.  I was doing some more reading and researching yesterday and read that someone had tried kick starting their weight loss again by doing alternating a carby day with a not so carby day.  I figured what have I got to lose, and did a carby day.  Somehow I got in quite a few calories.  I also got in quite a few carbs.  I started off with cereal...which I haven't had since before surgery, and I don't think it sat too well with me.  I drank a lot of water, crystal light, and more water throughout the day, but felt weird, and kind of icky yesterday.  I don't know what was going on, it literally felt like my pouch was throbbing.  It was the strangest feeling.  I took a bath yesterday, didn't do much around the house, just a few little things, and kind of vegged out.  Either way, whatever happened, I am down to 165.4 this morning.  Still inching my way downwards, which is a definite good thing.  I need to lose more weight though.
Last night, sometime in the midst of my being so tired I didn't even wake up when Sierra came into my room sleep, Sierra crawled in bed with me.  She's 7 now, and likes to have an elbow, or a leg in my back, along with laying on top of me.  At some point in the night, I woke up, squished between my daughter, and my kitty.  I moved everyone around, and asked Sierra to not come into bed with me unless I say its okay...meaning, if I'm too tired she doesn't just get to crawl in bed with me.  I love my baby, but she's not much of a baby right now, and she needs to sleep in her own bed.  Every now and then she still comes into bed with me, because of a bad dream, or she isn't feeling good, and most of the time, I am too tired to deal with it, so I grab her and snuggle with her.  Last night, I had no clue she came into bed until I felt pain in the middle of my back.  Needless to say, I'm pretty tired this morning.  Going to trudge through.  I had my click coffee, sipping on some water, and also had a B vitamin complex to up my energy.  I'll have a crystal light energy later as well.  For now, I'm going to try to wake myself up, and head to the park for a nice brisk walk.  I have a 5k coming up this weekend that I'm excited about.  I also think I need to start running again.  I believe that my feet are feeling a bit better and can handle the running part of it now.  They still ache at times, but I miss running, and want to start up again.
On the agenda for the day is to walk and chat with a friend, get some much needed groceries, vacuum, and get my kitchen in order, I think I'm going to make some garlic buffalo turkey tonight with some turnip fries (going to try them again).  I will post a recipe if it turns out okay.  I've been craving buffalo style wings or something for a while now, so I'm going to try this recipe to see how it turns out.  Until next time....

Check out our storm the other night!  It was CRAZY!

Frustration...

Since I hit 6 months out post surgery, I've noticed a big slow down in the weight loss department.  Sure, I'm still losing, but at a rate significantly smaller than previous months.  Lets go over my weight loss thus far.
M1: 36.2 lbs
M2: 7 lbs
M3: 11 lbs
M4: 8.6 lbs
M5: 14.4 lbs
M6: 6.6 lbs
M7: 5.6 lbs
M8: (so far): 4.8 lbs

Now granted, my weight loss is going to slow down, but its slowed down so much that its gotten very frustrating.  The first month it is normal to lose an excessive amount of weight.  A lot of it is water weight, and your body being in shock.  The second month through the 6th month are fairly normal.  Then we get to month 7 and the start of month 8.  I'm not officially on month 8, but I'm nearing it.  Perhaps I'll lose the same amount as I have earlier in the month and things will start looking a little more normal, for now I'm just frustrated.  I'm still losing, just as much much slower rate than I was before.  Getting on the scale every day doesn't help, but unless I'm away or out of town, or busy that morning, its really hard not to see where I'm at.  My goal originally was to get down to 140 lbs before my husband comes home from Afghanistan.  That is another 26 lbs in just a few months.  Its starting to look unrealistic.  What was I doing before to cause me to lose so much weight?  My 14 lb month was amazing.  How did I do that?  It wasn't good eating, as a matter of fact, Paul had just left for R&R and things weren't going too well for me.  I filled my days being down, the holidays were near so I indulged in things that aren't so good.  Somehow I still lost 14 lbs?  What about the 11 lb month?  It was really soon after surgery, and I'd just come off of a stall due to the blood clot issues.  But months 6, 7, and so far 8 have been progressively lower loss wise.  I'm not near goal yet.  I still have a ways to go.  I've been scoping out the internet, researching stalls, plateaus, finding hints tricks and ideas on how to get through it.  Everyone has a different opinion.  Everyone has a different view.  I have to find what could work for me.
In other news, my energy levels are gradually going up.  I find I have more energy around 1 in the afternoon, so I think my workouts need to happen at that time.  Mornings haven't been working for me, unless I'm just walking with a friend at the park, but an actual workout will require more motivation on my part.  The weather hasn't been cooperating so I've just been doing things around the house.  Yesterday, I cleaned the entire house, did 6 loads of laundry, put it away, tried on clothes, and believe me trying on a bunch of clothes is a workout in itself.  My stepmom gave me a bunch of clothes.  Some fit, some aren't my style or are too big, and some are just a tad too small.  I'm keeping the ones I like that fit, and the smaller sizes, the others I will be donating to a Relay for Life yard sale coming up in April.  I'm very grateful for the clothes as I haven't really been given any this time around, and am in need.  I have a feeling that now that I have all these clothes all of the sudden my weight loss will kick start itself again, and then these will all be too big.  I wouldn't complain because I would be closer to my goal, but I also don't want to have to start buying clothing if I'm going to continue dropping weight.
So due to the frustration, I've been looking at diets, and I feel like I'm going back to old habits, being on the next fad diet or something.  I don't want that.  What I've done has been working for me, but I wonder if a more structured meal plan would be better for me to follow.  Still, a lot of meal plans don't take into consideration that I can only eat 2-4 oz of food at any given time.  I'm convinced that I could make some good money writing my own book and getting hints, tips and tricks from others.  Advice, meals to try etc.  There isn't a huge market for post surgery related books, but one of these days, even if its just for my own benefit, I may decide to make something for myself.  My own 'book' of all of these things.

Anywho~ here are some recent pictures of me!

  

This was me on my 29th birthday (2/28)

Trying to show that the scars really aren't that bad, you can hardly see them in this pic.  Please excuse the frowny face, I was more concentrated on taking a pic of the body rather than the face in this one, lol.

How am I doing?

It has been 7 months since my surgery, well about 7 1/2 months.  I wanted to update.  I started at 262.2, today, weighed in at 166.2.  Total loss so far is 96 lbs.  Wow.  That still amazes me.  My weight loss has slowed drastically.  Basically that means that I just need to workout more.  My workouts are sporadic, but my eating is getting better by the day.  I still slip, don't we all?  This isn't a magic pill, its a tool in my arsenal.  If I don't use the tool correctly I'm going to fail.  I'm still following a lower carb diet.  Mostly whole foods.  I try to seek out organic foods, and grass fed meats, or organic meats rather than anything else.  Its not exactly easy in this city to find good healthy things.  I have to travel about an hour away to get a great selection of organic foods, and grass fed meats, fresh seafood etc.  I'm still a foodie, I still LOVE foods, but I'm finding new ones to love.
One of my new favorites is a portabella pizza.  I put a little spaghetti sauce on a small portabella, some mozzarella or provolone cheese, and turkey pepperoni's (usually only 3-4).  Its delicious and very filling.  I also eat a lot of string cheese.  Organic apples with natural peanut butter is great, grapes when the sweet tooth is calling, and I absolutely love to make 'strawberry cheesecakes.'  I take one graham cracker half, put 1 tbl of regular cream cheese (more protein), depending on the size of the strawberry one half, or one whole strawberry, and top it off with some sugar free whipped cream.  Such a wonderful treat.
My kids are getting used to eating the way I do.  Without having a husband here, and just having my kids, they end up eating a lot of the same foods I do.  They get way more treats, and still get to eat basically whatever they want for their lunches, but dinners usually involve some sort of meat, eggs, or cheese, and veggies.  We are figuring it out as we go.  I haven't really craved rice, pasta or bread, but if its in front of me, I will take a bite.  So I try to just stay away from foods like that.  I ordered fajita's at a restaurant the other night, and immediately said NO to the tortilla's.  I will just eat the meats and veggies instead.
I have a great support network around me.  Others who have also gone through the surgery, or a similar one, and are going through, or have gone through the same things.  They are also more fitness minded rather than food minded....and I find myself becoming less and less food minded.  I used to worry about what to make for dinner, or what to make for breakfast, and what to do for lunch constantly.  I used to think about food constantly.  Now, its more of an after thought for me.  I can get by eating a protein bar for a meal, or even a piece of string cheese.  I constantly have nuts or a kind bar in my purse, and always bring water and sometimes crystal light with me.

Some of my new favorite products:
Quest Bars  (so far, I've only tried chocolate brownie, cinnamon roll, and strawberry cheesecake, and loved the latter two)
Click Protein Coffee (this stuff is to die for, its delicious, tastes like a latte, and gives me that coffee that I loved so much)
Kind Bars (all natural, bars with nuts, and natural flavorings, great in a crunch, but I like the mini's the best)
Crystal light energy (sometimes it tastes too sweet, but I love the boost of energy I get from it)

Things I've realized over the past few months:
Wow, did I eat a lot.  The other night, I was at dinner with a few people and looked around me.  Not only did they finish every morsel on their own plates, but they also had a half of a big appetizer.  I realized that I used to eat that much or more sometimes...WOW.
I have more energy now, to do things that I like to do, to help people.  I visited family not long ago, and was helping go through things, that used to exhaust me by the end of the day, but I had energy to spare.  I was also able to go a few places, help bring some heavy boxes in, and load up my vehicle with a bunch of heavy bags.  Its amazing the things that I can do these days.
I still have that fat chick in me though.  I have to watch out for her.  Sometimes she's still in there SCREAMING at me to get me to eat more, or eat something that I shouldn't.  For instance, I ate a part of a cannoli, and I am able to treat myself occasionally.  I wanted to eat the whole entire thing though, and I would have in the past, not sharing with anyone.  This time, I shared with my daughter, who was more than happy to share it with me, and I got a tummy ache from eating a little bit too much of it.  Lesson learned, and I have to remind myself that she's still in there, still wanting to get out.

I'm still fearful that I'll fail at this.  I'm still fearful that I will start gaining weight.  My husband is coming home from his deployment in the near future, and I'm interested in learning how to adjust our lives around each other while he is home.  Its easier when he's gone, I control everything around here.  Food as well.  When he's home, its a little harder.  He likes treats, and he likes to go out to eat and enjoy himself.  I just have to keep reminding myself to keep my head on straight.

Overall, I love my sleeve.  I love how I feel, and I am grateful to have received this surgery.  It was a last ditch effort for me.  I'd gotten desperate.  My new tummy helps me in keeping with my goals though.  It reminds me when I've eaten too much, it talks to me a lot more when I have gassier foods, and it doesn't allow me to eat like I once did.  I want to continue being successful, and I think I will.

Thoughts...

Today, I'm thinking about my husband.  We haven't been able to talk for quite a while due to phones being out, or other circumstances that haven't been allowing us to speak online or on the phone.  Its bringing me down, to an extreme.  I'm used to talking to him at least once a week, and not knowing when he can call, or not knowing the next time I'll talk to him is dragging me way down.  So I wonder, what did women do a few years ago when phones and internet access was hardly there?  I know they wrote letters, and that is similar to what I do, I email him just about daily, and if it wasn't available, I would be sure to write to him.  Email is faster though, lol.  But how did these women survive?  Rarely did they receive mail back and half the time most of it was blacked out.  Its crazy to think of what technology has done to the world.  We are extremely spoiled, we have cars, tv's, internet, cameras, toys, video games, and so many other avenues of technology that its a wonder that people still need companionship.  I do though, it sucks not hearing from him.  Maybe if I had gone into the deployment knowing I probably wouldn't hear or talk to him, things would be a little easier.  Maybe if I could have been prepared the last time I talked to him that I wouldn't hear from him again for a few weeks.  Who knows.  What I do know, is that I feel down, depressed, and the only thing that helps is my support network.  Friends, and family that can be there for me.  I hate to be a burden though.  I don't like asking for help, or asking for someone to hang out with me, I sound desperate, but its times like these that I really need friends.  Mainly people going through the same things.  You'll see Army wives usually hanging out with other Army wives that their husbands are deployed, or a clique of Army wives whose husbands are home.  Commonalities aren't hard to come by.
I have, at least, 7 more years of this though.  I'll have to say goodbye to old friends, and make new ones all the time.  I'm grateful for the ones that I do make though.  Overall, Army wives are some of the most caring people I've ever met...with the occasional nutball, but we ALL have to be a little crazy in order to survive this life, right?

Spinach and Canadian Bacon Frittata

OH..this was delicious.

Spinach and Canadian Bacon Frittata

12 eggs (I used Egglands Best because of the added vitamins)

8 oz Canadian bacon, diced

1/2 cup chopped green onions

1/2 tsp paprika

1/2 tsp garlic powder

1/4 tsp dried mustard

1/4 tsp salt

1/4 tsp pepper

2 handfuls of fresh baby spinach

2 cups shredded low fat cheddar cheese

Preheat the oven to 350.  Spray a square baking pan with nonstick spray, OR use a Pampered Chef square stone.

Mix first 8 ingredients together until well mixed.  Pour mixture into the dish, top with spinach and cheese.

Bake for 25 minutes (if using a stone, you'll have to cook for 30-35 minutes), until frittata is firm.  Let cool for 5 minutes to set before cutting!!

All Good Carbs Mexican Casserole

Most of you who read my blog know that I'm doing a kind of low carb way of life these days.  High protein, low carbs, trying to stay away from the processed items, and stay away from white flour.  So I came across a recipe that is very loosely based on what I created.  I tend to get ideas from recipes and cookbooks, and make them entirely different, so I can't REALLY say that they are from the actual book, or the recipe, but I like to give credit, where credit is due, so check out this book here.  Like I said, this recipe that I made, was loosely based off of the Mexican Casserole recipe in this book!

Steph's Good Carb Mex. Casserole

1 lb ground turkey (I used ALL white ground turkey BREAST)

1 package taco seasoning (I used Lowry's taco seasoning, because it was cheap, lol)

1/2 cup- 3/4 cup green onions (I used about 3/4 cup, because I like green onions)

1 and a 1/2 cups salsa (I used two different kinds of salsa, and I implore you to do the same and make this recipe your own as well)

2 cups shredded Cheddar Cheese (here, I used 2%)

1/4 cup black olives (I like to buy the whole ones, and chop them, its cheaper and you get a lot more bang for your buck)

1 can black beans, rinsed and drained

1 tsp Tony's seasoning

1 tsp minced garlic

Light sour cream

Preheat oven to 375.  Cook the turkey breast in a skillet (I used a 10 inch), stir in seasoning and cook through.  Mix in black beans, Tonys, garlic, 3/4 cup salsa, and 1/2 of the green onions.

Spread turkey/bean mixture into the bottom of an 8 inch square baking dish (I used a Pampered Chef stoneware for this part).  Top with remaining salsa, and cheese.  Bake 10-15 minutes or until cheese is bubbly.  Take out of the oven, let sit for about 2 minutes, garnish each serving with some green onions, black olives, more cheese if you want, and sour cream.  DELICIOUS!!

*Note*  I spiced mine up just a bit too much, so be sure that the salsa's you use aren't too hot for your kids.  My kids enjoyed this dish, but it was a bit too spicy for their mouths, so next time, I'll use milder salsa's.  =)

Feels like Spring...

Today, I had to run some errands so I threw on a long sleeve shirt, got in my van, noticed that it was warmer than usual, and drove off.  When I had to turn on the A/C in my van is when I looked and its 79 degrees outside...are you sure this January?  I love Texas because the sun is almost always shining, but this is a little ridiculous.  I hope it gets a little cooler here or there, but I don't mind the warmer weather either.  Still, if its 79 degrees right now, I hate to think of the heat that we will endure this summer!

Whats the weather like in your neck of the woods?

Coming soon, recipe for this awesome good carb mexican casserole!!

Twitter...

Ever wonder which giveaways I've been entering?  I do spend a LOT of time on giveaways, but I also win some really cool stuff.  Most recently, I won a twin over full size bunk bed, with a dresser to match.  I'm so excited about it, and can't wait to put it together.  If I can't do it during the deployment, I'll get Paul to do it when he comes home.  The whole set is made out of Birch and is very well made.  The value was $1500!!!  I think its the biggest thing I've ever won.  The second biggest was probably the foot and calf massager that was valued at $385.  I've also won a gingerbread house making party with a $50 boutique toy store gift card that was valued at $300, and so many other fun things.  On average, I win probably 1-2 giveaways a month.  Sometimes, I go a long time without winning anything, but I still enter, because WHY NOT?  =)
So if you'd like to check out the giveaways that I enter, and I enter a lot, you can follow me on Twitter!  Most giveaways ask that you tweet about the giveaway, so I tweet just about every giveaway I enter.  Sometimes I tweet up to 100x per day, other days, I won't tweet at all, so be wary if your twitter is hooked up to your cell phone...that might not be fun, lol.  Anyway, you can follow me HERE!

Stephanie

Failing miserably...

at keeping up with my blog.  =/
Weight loss is going well, still losing about 10 lbs a month, which is fine by me.  Sometimes I feel like I am getting away with something though, and cookies are evil, just saying.
Life since R&R is back to normal, the kids are back at school, I am back to doing things around the house and enjoying my quiet time.  I am purging the house of things we don't need or want anymore.  I'm also doing a thorough cleaning of the house, kind of like a spring cleaning, I'm just getting started very early.
Goals for the New Year?  I need to start working out consistently again.  I've never NOT worked out and lost weight before, so this is all new to me.  I WANT to start working out again, its the motivation to actually DO it that I am having an issue with lately.  Its funny, because I used to be the one practically living at the gym, and now its like pulling teeth to get in an actual work out.  Maybe I'm just getting lazy because I'm seeing weight loss on the scale.  Still, I need to tone.
Organizing my house.  I'm getting sick of the clutter, if someone said to us that we have to move in a month, which can happen with the Army.  We wouldn't be able to do it.  We'd have to take a bunch of stuff with us that we don't need, and that is a no go for this girl.  So I'm slowly going through everything in the house and purging the things we haven't used, don't need, or just don't want.
Waking up and staying up...yeah, lately, I've gotten into this awful pattern of going to bed late, and not waking up until late.  So I'm doing my best to get up with the girls...now I need to work on staying awake and not taking a nap in the middle of the day.  Its a vicious cycle.
Financially, I am trying to save up as much money as I can, so that we can take a Disney World vacation when the hubs comes home.  I've been wanting to go for quite some time now, and usually I save up enough money for us to do some cool vacation while he's deployed.  However, with bills, and credit cards that needed to be paid off, I've hardly saved anything this year.  It stinks, but I'm still hopeful that I can save up enough for us to be able to go.  Our 10 year anniversary vacation is getting lower on the list though.  We were thinking about heading to Cozumel, Mexico for a "honeymoon" since we didn't get one when we got married. I just don't think we can afford to do both, and personally, I'd rather go to Disney World with my kids and husband.  I wouldn't have to find someone to watch the kids and the dogs, and it would just be easier all the way around.  So, I'm couponing again, and trying to be as frugal as possible.
Since surgery, I've noticed, I've not cooked as much as I used to.  I'd like to get back into the habit of actually cooking more.  My father in law came for a visit a few days ago, just a quick on as he was passing through, and I made a brisket.  He wasn't feeling well and didn't have any.  So the girls and I have been picking at it here and there, but we've not made a dent.  It was a 5 lb brisket, so I'm going to have to probably freeze half of it.  The draw back to me not eating an adult amount of food (the girls can still eat more than me, lol), is that we always have leftovers.  I wish I had someone else to cook for sometimes.  Other times, I don't mind being lazy, lol.
I also want to blog more.  I kind of "blog" to my husband about my day and if I could just get that on my actual blog, it would be great.  I need to blog because it makes me feel better, I can work out my issues when I'm writing about them, and I enjoy the feedback.
Life is floating by.  About 6 more months and we can welcome the hubs back with open arms.  We've missed him a lot lately.  Not that we don't every time he leaves, but it just seems like we miss him more this time around.
Its the beginning of a New Year, and I hope this one is even better than last year.  I have a feeling that it will be.  =)

Stephanie