Monday, July 23, 2012

Great weekend...

I had the chance to watch my niece over the weekend.  It was fantastic.  She wore me out, I forgot what its like having a small child in the house.  I had a great time though, and would gladly steal her away from my sister in the future, lol.
We also had a chance to have a fellow couple over for dinner and drinks.  Now, being that I am still trying to LOSE weight, I really shouldn't be eating or drinking the things I had this weekend, but also being where I am in my weight loss journey, it doesn't seem to hurt my efforts.  I maintain instead of lose is the difference.  My husband smoked a brisket on his big green egg, I made some bacon seasoned corn, a ranch pasta salad, a fruit salad and an orange lemon bundt cake.  It was all delicious.  Our friends brought over homemade tortilla's that were just super yummy!  Basically the meal consisted of fatty protein and a ginormous amount of carbs.  Not a great dinner, that is for sure.  I don't want to go back to doing what I was doing before, I don't want to ever get big again, but a treat now and then shouldn't kill me.  I still kept my portions very small.  I had a bite of the tortilla and it filled me up quite quickly, so I didn't eat as much of the other things that I would have needed to.  I still felt that I did okay.  I had the meat, a little bit of corn, a little bit of fruit, and a very small bit of pasta salad.  I haven't had pasta in a really long time, I didn't realize how much it blew up in my tummy.  I had two pieces of pasta and had to spit them out.  I had a very small piece of cake and we sipped wine.  By the end of the night, between chasing after the baby, and cooking a lot of the day and cleaning in preparation, I was exhausted.  I had a great time, but I'm not perfect.  I haven't been perfect in this journey, I don't think I'll ever be perfect.  The most I can hope for, is to get right back on track where I was.  My meals are getting a little bigger, but I'm almost a full year out.  I cannot believe that this time last year, I was 262 lbs and waiting to have surgery.  Its amazing to me.  Today, I'm 144.2 lbs, and I have energy to spare.
My daughter asked what the heck I was doing earlier, you see, when I make my coffee in the morning, I do exercises.  While I'm waiting for it to warm up, I start doing squats, leg lifts, calf raises.  I'm trying to fit it all in whenever I can.  I want to be successful, and I still won't consider my weight loss a success until my husband has been home for a year.  Already, I'm seeing the repercussions of him being home.  My head goes to an entirely different place, maybe its comfort, maybe its not, I'm not sure.  But when he's home, I feel that its okay to have a splurge here or there, but more often than I did than when he was away.  I need to continue with this fight, I have to keep fighting, keep making sure that I can DO this.  I went through so much pain, so much effort, so many different things that I think I would just be devastated to even gain 5 lbs at this point.  I had surgery for a reason, and I need that reason to be with me at all times.

Someday, I hope to get another tattoo.  If I ever get off of my blood thinners, then I can.  I want to get a reminder in white ink on my wrist.  Something that I can see, a reminder all the time.  But not something that people notice immediately when they see me.  I'm not sure if I want to get the highest number of my weight, or just something that says don't ever give up.  I just want something to remind me every single day, on my body.  Sigh.  I hope that my blood clot goes away and I can get off of the meds.  I have to get going back to the doctor to get another MRI to find out if it is gone away, or if I have to basically stay on these meds for the rest of my life.  Nobody said this journey was going to be an easy one!

Either way, right now, if I didn't lose another pound, I think I'd be okay.  I'd LIKE to get lower, but I'm also content where I am.  One of the reasons I'd like to get a little lower is so that 1) I'm not at the high end of the normal BMI (being 145 is the highest, 146 is considered overweight, lol), 2) I'd like to have a bit of cushioning, just in case I did regain a little bit of weight.  My goal weight is 135.  Still 10 lbs away-ish.  The last 10 lbs are the hardest to lose right!?  If I could manage to get down to 125-130, that would be ideal so that I could have a little bit of cushioning.  I do worry that I'd be TOO thin, but I have a dear friend who has done very well with her weight loss journey, she is down to 111 and she looks amazing.  I've never thought she looked too thin.  So hopefully, I could have that type of success as well.  For now, I have to make some new appointments because I'm almost a full year out.  Blood has to be taken to make sure I'm getting in enough vitamins, I have to have a bone density scan, I have to probably get another MRI for my blood clot, and I have to follow up with my nutritionist.  I can still do this right?  Sometimes it gets really overwhelming!

Sweetest niece ever!

Me, completely worn out, loving my niece!!

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