Monday, July 23, 2012

Great weekend...

I had the chance to watch my niece over the weekend.  It was fantastic.  She wore me out, I forgot what its like having a small child in the house.  I had a great time though, and would gladly steal her away from my sister in the future, lol.
We also had a chance to have a fellow couple over for dinner and drinks.  Now, being that I am still trying to LOSE weight, I really shouldn't be eating or drinking the things I had this weekend, but also being where I am in my weight loss journey, it doesn't seem to hurt my efforts.  I maintain instead of lose is the difference.  My husband smoked a brisket on his big green egg, I made some bacon seasoned corn, a ranch pasta salad, a fruit salad and an orange lemon bundt cake.  It was all delicious.  Our friends brought over homemade tortilla's that were just super yummy!  Basically the meal consisted of fatty protein and a ginormous amount of carbs.  Not a great dinner, that is for sure.  I don't want to go back to doing what I was doing before, I don't want to ever get big again, but a treat now and then shouldn't kill me.  I still kept my portions very small.  I had a bite of the tortilla and it filled me up quite quickly, so I didn't eat as much of the other things that I would have needed to.  I still felt that I did okay.  I had the meat, a little bit of corn, a little bit of fruit, and a very small bit of pasta salad.  I haven't had pasta in a really long time, I didn't realize how much it blew up in my tummy.  I had two pieces of pasta and had to spit them out.  I had a very small piece of cake and we sipped wine.  By the end of the night, between chasing after the baby, and cooking a lot of the day and cleaning in preparation, I was exhausted.  I had a great time, but I'm not perfect.  I haven't been perfect in this journey, I don't think I'll ever be perfect.  The most I can hope for, is to get right back on track where I was.  My meals are getting a little bigger, but I'm almost a full year out.  I cannot believe that this time last year, I was 262 lbs and waiting to have surgery.  Its amazing to me.  Today, I'm 144.2 lbs, and I have energy to spare.
My daughter asked what the heck I was doing earlier, you see, when I make my coffee in the morning, I do exercises.  While I'm waiting for it to warm up, I start doing squats, leg lifts, calf raises.  I'm trying to fit it all in whenever I can.  I want to be successful, and I still won't consider my weight loss a success until my husband has been home for a year.  Already, I'm seeing the repercussions of him being home.  My head goes to an entirely different place, maybe its comfort, maybe its not, I'm not sure.  But when he's home, I feel that its okay to have a splurge here or there, but more often than I did than when he was away.  I need to continue with this fight, I have to keep fighting, keep making sure that I can DO this.  I went through so much pain, so much effort, so many different things that I think I would just be devastated to even gain 5 lbs at this point.  I had surgery for a reason, and I need that reason to be with me at all times.

Someday, I hope to get another tattoo.  If I ever get off of my blood thinners, then I can.  I want to get a reminder in white ink on my wrist.  Something that I can see, a reminder all the time.  But not something that people notice immediately when they see me.  I'm not sure if I want to get the highest number of my weight, or just something that says don't ever give up.  I just want something to remind me every single day, on my body.  Sigh.  I hope that my blood clot goes away and I can get off of the meds.  I have to get going back to the doctor to get another MRI to find out if it is gone away, or if I have to basically stay on these meds for the rest of my life.  Nobody said this journey was going to be an easy one!

Either way, right now, if I didn't lose another pound, I think I'd be okay.  I'd LIKE to get lower, but I'm also content where I am.  One of the reasons I'd like to get a little lower is so that 1) I'm not at the high end of the normal BMI (being 145 is the highest, 146 is considered overweight, lol), 2) I'd like to have a bit of cushioning, just in case I did regain a little bit of weight.  My goal weight is 135.  Still 10 lbs away-ish.  The last 10 lbs are the hardest to lose right!?  If I could manage to get down to 125-130, that would be ideal so that I could have a little bit of cushioning.  I do worry that I'd be TOO thin, but I have a dear friend who has done very well with her weight loss journey, she is down to 111 and she looks amazing.  I've never thought she looked too thin.  So hopefully, I could have that type of success as well.  For now, I have to make some new appointments because I'm almost a full year out.  Blood has to be taken to make sure I'm getting in enough vitamins, I have to have a bone density scan, I have to probably get another MRI for my blood clot, and I have to follow up with my nutritionist.  I can still do this right?  Sometimes it gets really overwhelming!

Sweetest niece ever!

Me, completely worn out, loving my niece!!

Wednesday, July 18, 2012

Room by Emma Donoghue

Room by Emma Donoghue

Jack is a sweet little boy, curious, and mature for his age.  He's intelligent and he loves his Ma more than anything in the world.  Jack's world is a small room in a shed, in a back of a yard.  His Ma and him are locked in, with only a TV with bunny ears that is often fuzzy to view the world 'outside.'  Old Nick tricked Ma 7 years ago, and she's been in Room ever since.  Jack doesn't know that the TV is the world though, he thinks its not real, he believes his Room is his real.  Soon, Ma convinces Jack to pretend he's dead, and he does an amazing job.  He's the savior of their little world, saving Ma and him from a lifetime in Room.  This book takes the reader on a journey through the eyes of a 5 year old little boy, who is very intelligent, his Ma does an amazing job of teaching him to read and write, explaining things in a way he understands.  Soon, Ma and Jack are thrust into the world, Jack is brand new to the world, he's never even been outside in the fresh air before.  He is experiencing everything in the world that you and I would take for granted.  The colors of paints, shoes, foods, anything that we as a culture experience every single day, is brand new for this remarkable 5 year old child.  There are, of course, ups and downs when it comes to living in the 'outside.'  It gets stressful, difficult and at times, he just wants to go back to Room with his Ma.  Ma has a difficult time adjusting as well, 7 years is a long time to be locked away from society, away from the world, people, and family.  The world has changed, people moved on, family has grown.  All in all, this is an amazingly heart wrenching book.  You won't want to put it down after a while.  Wanting to see what could happen next.  What happens to Jack, what happens to Ma.  How are they able to move on and live now that they are outside of Room.  Attachments and change are hard to deal with, especially when you are only 5 years old.

I loved this book.  I will admit that at first, it was a bit difficult trying to read in a 5 year olds language, but the author does a very good job relating to Jack.  You really feel as if you are right there with him.  You end up wanting to hold this sweet child, and make him feel loved.  You may even want to scold him when he does something any other 5 year old would do.  I felt that this book portrayed the characters accurately.  As a Mother, I just wanted to hold onto my children and be grateful for my own life.  I would highly recommend this book, its a MUST read for all.  It will make you want to cry, want to laugh, and want to yell.  That, in my opinion, is what I call a good book.  When it can elicit emotions from the reader.  This book may not be a true story, but it very well could be.  I enjoyed it, and I hope you do as well.

Monday, July 16, 2012


Life at the moment has been trying.  Don't get me wrong, its absolutely wonderful to have my husband home again, however, there is still a big adjustment.  I've heard a lot of wives say that they just go back to normal as soon as their husband comes home.  There is no adjustment period.  For me, this year, that is not the case.  We've been through 4 deployments, a Korea tour, and many many schools in between.  This adjustment is a bit different.  First being that I had surgery, so him adjusting to my way of life now is difficult for him, its also difficult for me to adjust to having another person in the household.  Second, there is the issue of my blood clotting fun.  I will call it fun just because its SO not, lol.  I bruise very very easily, rollercoasters at Disney bruised me, things that most people wouldn't get a bruise from, bruise me.  The bathtub makes my bum sore, things like that, are difficult for him to understand.  We also have to think about the kids.  Autumn is in her tween stage a bit, and while I've gotten used to the hormones in the past year, my husband has not.  Sierra thinks she can get away with more now that Daddy is home, oh and I can't forget the house.  Its a disaster!  Talk about some adjustments!  I'm getting used to having someone in the bed with me, I'm getting used to my husbands messes, I'm getting used to having someone else in the house period.  Sometimes it can still be overwhelming.  Its just a way of life with the Army and being married into it.  Nobody said it was easy, but it certainly takes a certain person to deal with it.
Things will get better, this adjustment is just a bit more difficult.  Especially with my NEW way of life.  I still don't eat very much, and not all foods sit well with me.  Paul wants me to have a glass of wine with him in the evenings sometimes, and while I love to, it just isn't feasible all the time.  I've tried, and there are a lot of wines that don't sit well with my new tummy, I also drink one glass of wine and I'm down for the count, lol.  I don't want to ruin any hard work I've done, I also don't want to waste my calories or carbs on a drink of all things.  Its just another adjustment.  He enjoys having a drink with dinner in the evenings, I would rather not. There is also the fact that my husband received an amazing gift from my Dad.  His new grill.  Its very impressive, I must say, and he doesn't want me cooking the main meat, so I end up doing the vegetables, he does the meat and I occasionally will make a light dessert to go with.  Its been great, but my husband LOVES to cook fatty meats.  He's done ribs, pulled pork, brisket, dark meat chickens, and sausages.  Sounds really good, but its not so great for my tummy, or my weight loss efforts.  I'm used to eating chicken breasts, cheeses, turkey breast, and fish and rarely some steak or beef.  I've discussed these things with him, and he's agreed to let me choose the meats that we eat, and he will figure out a way to cook them, and for special occasions we can have those fatty meats.  He's been amazing when it comes to me discussing my limitations with him, he's very understanding and is doing his best to accommodate me.  I'm extremely grateful, but again, its just been another adjustment.
We just got back from our vacation to Disney World, so the adjustments are becoming more noticeable.  Things will be a little easier when the girls start school again, and he is back at work normally.  I can start working out again, taking care of the meals for the most part, and things won't be in disarray.
Disney World was so much fun.  I absolutely LOVED it.  It rained quite a bit while we were there, but it made the lines less long.  We were able to ride all of the rides, enjoy a lot of shows, and all without the enormous amount of people.  Still, it wasn't all fun when I was a drowned rat shivering my butt off.  It was an experience I will never forget though.

In weight loss news, I'm down to 144 lbs, officially no longer overweight according to my BMI range.  I'm in the NORMAL weight category.  Did I ever really TRULY think that was going to happen, NO WAY!  I'm very impressed, and extremely happy with my progress.  I've lost 118 lbs, and my husband cannot keep his hands OFF of me, lol.  I'm tiny...size 6's, and even those are a bit big at times.  Dresses are a small, shirts are mediums or so...I'm still not comfortable wearing a too tight shirt or anything though.  Loose works for me, and I also have excess skin, especially on my legs.  My butt gets numb after I sit on it a bit, its hard to shave my pits because they are quite literally PITS, lol.  My hair is still falling out, but all of that, I wouldn't trade for the world.  I feel great, I can run and jump around with my kids, I can handle being in the heat, I can handle walking long ways, up and down stairs, I even park a ways away from the store, just because.  I can wear normal clothes, and I'm healthy.  That is the most important thing.  It hasn't always been easy, far from it, actually.  But its all worth it.

Here are some pics from our vacation, it was amazing!