Remember when...

Remember when we were little kids, and it was soooo easy to make and keep friends.  If we got in an argument, it was over the next day.  If you wanted to go play, you just knocked on their door, and asked.  Then you ran around the neighborhood, riding bikes, playing, and exploring with the wind in your hair.  When did things get so serious?  I still have a childlike outlook.  I sometimes still want to ask my friends if they want to play.  But playing is something totally different now.  Why does it have to be?  Why can't I just go over to a friend's house, knock on her door, and say "let's pretend we are rich and famous!"  Why can't a friend of mine knock on my door, and say "let's go ride our bikes."  When did things become serious?  When did things become awkward?  Why did they?  Now, its even hard to find a friend that is loyal, and trustworthy, not to mention willing to take the initiative.  I've learned in my time as a military wife, that sometimes YOU have to take initiative, and be that person that gets the funny looks when you say, hey let's go play!  I just want someone to chat with, gossip with, drink coffee with, drink alcohol on occasion with, lol.  I want a friend that is willing to sit and do and try new crafts with me, bake with me, cook with me, enter contests with me, ride bikes with me, walk with me.


Loneliness is such a vague word sometimes.  I'm lonely when my husband is gone, when he's deployed, or even just at work sometimes.  I'm lonely when my kids are at school.  I get lonely when I feel like I have nobody to hang out with.  Last payday, I wanted to go shopping, but I really really wanted to go out with some "friends" shopping.  Unfortunately, I don't have many here yet.  When will I find someone that wants to go hit up goodwill with me, or garage sales even?  When will I find someone that wants to sip wine with me, or coffee with me?  When will I find someone that is willing to put up with my moaning and groaning again, and will look past all of my own flaws.  I believe that I'm a good friend.  I do have flaws though, who doesn't.  It takes me time to warm up, and feel comfortable spilling my guts.  I have a hard exterior, I guess from the way I was raised, and then married into the Army.  Once someone is able to get past the exterior, I can start to open up, and I'm there, through thick or thin.  I look past things.  I'm loyal, and forgiving.  I've never been good at holding a grudge.  I have had many many friends...but only a few really great friends in my life.  I just don't understand why it has to be so hard to make friends.  When it was so easy when I was a kid.  Maybe someday I'll find someone that wants to "play" again.  One can only hope.