Thanksgiving week....??

Last week was Thanksgiving week.  The week consisted of two days of school for my girls...

Then on Wednesday we drove up to Dallas, to my Mom's house (i.e. The Farm)

then we went to a Disney on Ice performance with Meemaw...

 Lion King

 The Little Mermaid

 Lilo and Stitch

 Minnie and Mickey

 Tinkerbell

 Peter Pan

came back to her house, spent the night, drove back down to our house, got ready to go, and headed over to a dear friends house for Thanksgiving dinner, of which she made the whole thing.  It was nice not having to cook for once, lol.  So after dinner, we went Black Friday shopping.  I've gone with other friends two other times, but none compare to what we did.  There is just something about the thrill of waiting in line to get the good deals, and making new friends along the way.  It was a lot of fun.  We were out shopping and saving for 12 hours straight.  I finished our Christmas shopping for the girls (who are being really spoiled this year for some reason), and I was able to get a few things for the house...waffle maker anyone?  Between all of the busy times of this season, I've been slacking in my blog.
I am still losing weight at a steady rate.  Down to 195.  My husband is coming home for R&R in the near future, and I couldn't be more excited to see him.  So as the time goes on, I will still be on hiatus for a while.  We have Sierra's 7th birthday just around the corner, Christmas, our 10th anniversary, him coming home for R&R, and then our small vacation, and sending him on his way.  Plus, I'm taking my Mom to a rodeo in Dallas for her Christmas present this year.  I can't wait.  Its going to be a lot of fun, and much needed fun at that.

What are you up to this holiday season?

Losing slowly, but steadily...

Down to 202.2 as of this morning.  Woohoo!  Yup, that means in 3 1/2 months I've gone down 59 lbs!  Fantastic.  I have yet to consistently work out, but its getting better.  I'm feeling better, I believe that the blood clot is slowly going away.  I have been struggling with figuring out my food.  I'm getting it little by little, but I do sometimes get complacent and eat things I shouldn't.  Overall, things are getting easier by day, and I'm very grateful for that.
I am hoping to lose another 5-10 lbs in the next month or so.  I have yet to buy any new clothes, I have clothes all the way down to 8-10's, so I'll be good for a while.  I am really excited to see where this journey takes me.  Its taken a while, and its been a bit of a struggle, but its getting easier every single day.
That's my little update!  =)

Turkey Sausage patties

 Turkey Sausage Patties

2 lbs lean ground turkey

1 1/2 tsp salt

1 tsp sage

1 tsp pepper

1/2 tsp ground ginger

1/2 tsp cayenne pepper

1/4 tsp garlic powder

Combine all ingredients in large bowl, mix well.  Shape into 2 1/2 inch patties.

Cook over medium-high heat for 4-6 minutes on each side in large skillet.

(makes about 16 patties) per 2 patties: 85 calories, 5g fat, 10 g protein

 Delicious!

Army life....

I am proud all at the same time.  A few days ago, my husband re-enlisted his final time.  He is going INDEF.
We have at least another 7 years in this Army life.  I'm proud of him, because we both came to the conclusion that this would be best for our family.  The economy, some of our medical issues, and security all played a role in this decision, and it wasn't a decision we made lightly.  I haven't even told my family, and we haven't told his family just yet.  I'm not sure who to tell right now, or when I want to tell them.  For now, I've told my best friend, and that's it.  Its a major thing, and some people might think its a stupid decision because he will be deployed 3-4 years of the at least 7 that are left.  But it was still a decision that we felt was right for our family.  We have financial security right now, my blood clot issues, Autumn's ADHD issues, and neither of us are getting any younger, we also have to take into account the security that the Army provides, not only financially, but also the fact that I don't have to worry whether we will have a roof over our heads or food on our table.  The Army does in fact, take care of its own.  We may not be rich, we may not have everything we want, he may not be home everyday, but its still a good system with the Army, and so our decision was made.

So all in all, my husband is now a "Lifer."  I'm still dealing with the actual reality of this whole thing.  The fact that its actually done, is really kind of weird to me.  I'm haven't come to terms with it quite yet, but its the life I know, and nothing in that sense is going to change.

7 more years...sigh.

Ultimate Roasted Garlic Chicken....

Ultimate Roasted Garlic Chicken

Pampered Chef Recipe

3 heads garlic, unpeeled

2 tbs olive oil

1 lemon

1/4 cup butter

2 tbs Greek Rub (I used the Pampered Chef version)

1/2 tsp each of salt, and pepper

1 whole chicken (innard things thrown away please)

1 onion, quartered

Preheat to 400.  Cut 1/4 in off the pointed top of garlic heads.  Put garlic in a bowl cut side up, drizzle with 1 tbs oil.  Microwave for 3 min, or until soft, let cool completely (otherwise your hands will not be happy later!!)

Zest 1 tsp of the lemon rind, gently squeeze the garlic out into the bowl, discard the skins.  Add zest, butter, 1 tbs of rub, salt and pepper....mash up really well.  (My garlic was a little hard still, so I had to microwave some more, then it became easier to mash, it also might work, just to throw it all in a small food processor.

Trim fat from chicken, lift wing tips up toward neck, then tuck under back of chicken.  Loosen skin from breast to thigh portions.  Spread garlic mixture evenly under skin of chicken.  Put the lemon and onion into chicken cavity, tie ends of legs together, and place the chicken breast side up in a baker.  (I used a deep covered baker...also from Pampered chef, this sounds like a commercial, lol)

Combine remaining oil, and rub, and brush over chicken.  Roast, covered for 65-70 minutes or until thermometer reads 140 F in thickest part of breast.  Remove lid, and bake an additional 8-10 minutes or until thermometer reads 160 F.  Let stand, covered for 10 minutes before serving.  Remove and discard lemon and onion before serving.  Deliciousness!

 

 The girls' plates!

 

My plate, in comparison to the bowl...I couldn't even eat half of this.  =/

All on a salad plate.  I ate most of the chicken, a small 1/4 tsp bite of the potatoes, and two corn kernals...lol.

The State Fair of Texas...

My girls heading into the fair.

 At the animal area, its basically a petting zoo.

 Sierra, getting ready for her Pee Wee Stampede!

 Doing her "barrel racing"

 She won a trophy for being the best barrel racer!

 Just a "taste" of the fried items they offer

 Layla bug (my niece) loving the bubbles.

 She's having a blast in the science museum!

 Dallas Skyline!

The Texas Star Ferris Wheel...

Frustrations...

I eat so little.  You would think that the weight would be just FALLING off of my body right now.  While it is coming off, its starting to come off very slowly.  =(

I didn't make the goal I'd set out for myself.  I was hoping to hit the 45 lb loss mark by my 2 month surgiversary.  Instead, I made it to 44.2 lbs lost instead.  I didn't eat all that well last night though, the combination of me being tired, and either having allergies or getting a cold (the jury is still out on that one), caused me to eat whenever and whatever.  Willpower was gone yesterday.  I didn't eat horribly, but I was grazing all day, and I somehow managed to eat a whole fiber one bar.

Sometimes, I wonder if the surgery really did cut out 85% of my stomach, or if my pouch is stretching out already.  I hear of people who are a year out that can only eat 2 ounces of food at a time.  While I still can't eat a LOT at a time, I can certainly eat every few hours, and usually its about 2 oz at a time.  Probably not a good thing.  I think I need to incorporate my acid reducer again, and I also need to start integrating more working out into my life.  I feel much better than I have been recently.  To the point where I'm not needing my pain medications as much, my INR levels are evening out, slowly but surely, and by this time, I am mostly completely healed from the surgery.  I still have some issues with bending down a lot, my incisions on the inside ache at times, but overall, I'm feeling so much better!

Its just about time to kick it into high gear.  The weight loss has slowed down so much that its really annoying, especially when I'm eating well, and I'm eating so little.  However, earlier in the week, I did have issues with chocolate or sugars, and I knew I would pay for it on the scale.  My 1.8 lb loss this week, is proof, that I am now paying for it.  Most people would be grateful for a 1.8 lb loss in a week.  I am not most people though.  I've also had this surgery, and while I'll probably be plateauing out again soon (its a cycle), I should be losing more weight than I am.  I just have to get back on, and start rocking my sleeve.

Between last month and this month, I've lost about 9 lbs.  Its still a great loss, but considering this is my second month, and I've done better than that on my own by just working out and eating well, I'm unhappy with that number.  I feel good though, so tomorrow, I'm getting right back up, dusting myself off, and pulling up my big girl panties (and believe me they are still BIG...you don't wanna know).  Today, I am still recovering from my exhausting weekend (we went to the Texas State Fair), I am going to work on re-hydrating my body (its so easy to get dehydrated these days), and also work on getting my protein in.  I also want to see if this cold gets any better or worse, I figured it was just allergies, but now I'm beginning to wonder if this is a cold as my oldest woke up with sore throat, and swollen lymph nodes.  We are off to the dr. later to make sure it isn't strep or anything too serious.  Still, the weigh in and out cycles are frustrating.  Especially when I do eat so much smaller portions that I ever did before.  I've lost 44.2 lbs in TWO months though.  That is an average of 22.1 lbs a month, and really isn't too upsetting when I look at it that way.  When I think about it the other way...I lost 36 the first month and 9 the second month...its a little upsetting, lol.  So I'm going to look at it the way it makes me feel better.  Plus, I may have a fantastic month this month and the weight will just come off, here's hoping!  =)

~It's not whether you get knocked down; it's whether you get up.

Vince Lombardi

It has certainly been a week...

Sigh...
I've been only doing okay.  I was at 42.8  lbs lost today, which means a grand total of 2.8 lbs in a week.  Its good, its a little more disappointing than the whole 30 some odd pounds in a month, but I need to stop thinking like that.  My weight isn't coming off as quickly as other people's right now, because I'm not able to workout like I want.
I have a problem.  I like to go big or go home.  I start walking on the treadmill, and then end up running 3 miles off and on.  Even if I just walk, half the time, I end up walking 3-6 miles at a time.  I just start feeling soooo good, and start busting it.  I am physically unable to do that right now.  It will literally exhaust me.  I have trouble right now...if I do a lot ONE day, the very next day (and sometimes even for two days after).  Its really bothersome.  I know and realize that a big part of it, is that I'm still healing in some ways...I'm also still dealing with a blood clot.  It can take 3-6 months for this thing to go away.  I'm still in pain a lot of times, it really sucks.  My INR levels aren't where they are supposed to be, so that may have something to do with it.  I truly have no clue.  I will see my hematologist (at least I think that's what he does) on Friday, and I will bring it up and ask about it.  Maybe things need to be checked out again.  I will also ask my surgeon, but my next appointment with him isn't until a few weeks from now.  I'll definitely need to speak to him about my pain meds though, I don't have nearly enough to last me the next two weeks.  =/


This whole entire process has been so much harder than it seems.  I'm still struggling with how to eat, what to eat, how much to eat, how much not to eat.  A lot of it, is really tiring.




Yesterday, I had a long day, I woke up early to wake up my girls, and stepped in two puddles of PEE.  At some point when I was hospitalized, one or both of my dogs peed in my hallway that leads to my kids rooms.  I've been doing everything in my power to get that smell up.  I've used a carpet deodorizer, I've used baking soda, water, my carpet cleaner 3x, I've even tried febreeze.  Nothing was working.  The ammonia/dog pee/kennel smell hits me like a ton of bricks.  Then I woke up to step in it again, yesterday morning.  Of course, the dogs are just marking their territory, or smelling where they peed before and what not.  But I was NOT a happy camper.  Not in the least.  I scrubbed, I blotted, I mixed ingredients to try to get more of it up.  I read soaking the spot in water will help dilute it, so I soaked, I blotted more, I went through two towels.  Then I showered, and got ready for my WLS support group at the hospital.  I haven't been since having surgery, and now that I do feel quite a bit better than I did right after the surgery, I decided to go.  I was late because it took me an extra 20 minutes to follow someone to a parking spot...then I think I accidentally stole it out from under someone...oops!  I didn't mean to, and normally, I would have pulled out once I realized what I did, but I was already 10 minutes late, and I really wanted to attend the meeting.  Luckily, I got there, and barely had a seat, but I got one, and was of course, the last one to enter in there.  It was a good meeting though, and it really helped me to talk to other people going through similar situations.  The camaraderie is fantastic.  Plus, I am now one of those people that can help answer the Pre-Op's questions.  I need to make sure I'm still going to these meetings.  It really felt good to chat with other women that are going or have gone through all of this.  It also helped to answer questions to help out others.
Afterwards, I went to our commissary.  Its a military grocery store for my civilian friends.  I got my bill up to a whopping 200 bucks, before watching that number inch its way back down to 166ish.  I love coupons.  Still, I realized I need to go through my coupons again, I've been really slacking on my couponisms with how I feel and everything.  I spend so much time, organizing, cutting, sorting, and re-organizing, and I like to put it off at times.  Either way, I saved 34 dollars on my bill, and to be honest, its not nearly as good as I could do usually, but my grocery bills are changing.  I am buying organic eggs (they have more vitamins, which I need), I'm buying more expensive, leaner cuts of meat, organic turkey, or all WHITE breast turkey meat (not all turkey is created equal, just sayin'), chicken sausage, and cheeses.  I focus on protein more than anything.  I'm not supposed to eat very much greens, even though I do still eat some...I can't help it.  I love vegetables/fruits, and when I have to stay away from them, it stinks.  Plus I feel better when I eat them.  Still, I stick with protein first, then I go for the other small portions on my plate.  So my bill is going up.  My kids are going to be eating much better because of this as well.  I bought some flax, oatmeal, dark chocolate cookies, that have less carbs than your average cookie, and more protein, but it wasn't cheap.  I refuse to let my kids eat white bread anymore.  Wheat and I mean WHOLE wheat bread is so much better for the kids.  I WAS buying white for the girls, only because its cheaper, but I will start home-making my own bread if I have to...I am not going to be keeping foods that aren't good for us.  I will keep foods that may not be the best thing out there, but still are healthier alternatives to your average cookie, or chip.  For instance...the oatmeal, flax, dark chocolate cookie...I wasn't a huge fan, so I gave them to my girls, guess what...they LOVE them.  I can find something similar to home make for them, now that I know that they will like it.  Anyway, I'm veering off course....
After the grocery excursion, I was already exhausted.  I came home to clean my house as much as possible before my FIL arrived.  He was just passing through, so he took us out to The Olive Garden.  Let me just tell you...there really aren't a lot of healthy choices at restaurants in general.  You can ALWAYS find something that is a good alternative though.  I ordered Apricot grilled chicken with veggies, asparagus, broccoli and tomatoes.  I also got either a salad or a soup...I chose my absolute favorite soup (Zuppa Tuscana anyone?), I ended up eating the broth...it doesn't taste the same as it used to anymore.  =(  I should have gone with the Minestrone, but I wanted to indulge a little.  I did NOT have any bread, and that was an accomplishment worth mentioning.  So I got my meal, ate a half piece of chicken (they give you two smaller grilled flattened chicken breasts), I also ate most of my tomatoes, and I tip of an asparagus.  It was delicious, and I was STUFFED to the gills.  We came home, the girls kept grandpa up for a while longer, and finally we all went to bed.
This morning, after waking the girls up, I went into the kitchen and made some italian seasoned eggs.  I broke 3 eggs, 4 egg whites, added salt and pepper, and some garlic herb seasoning, then added mozzarella cheese.  They turned out well.  The girls loved them...I only had a bite, as I wasn't very hungry.  The girls and Grandpa had the eggs, and a banana, and then they went to school.  Grandpa was on his way, and I was just plain POOPED.
So I've sat in my recliner all day today, catching up on TV shows, and just feeling plain tired, worn out, exhausted, whatever you want to call it.  I've been craving sugar like crazy today, hence the cookie....then I was craving pasta (I haven't craved pasta, at all, since surgery...today was the first day), craving all things bad for me.  Probably due to me being tired, could also be my meds acting up, who knows.  Whatever the reason, I have been grazing all day, and that is a HUGE no-no.  I'm going to have to figure this out still.  I had another bite of my eggs this morning, and didn't feel that they sat well in my stomach, so I threw away the leftovers (eggs don't keep well), so I started the cravings for sugar.  I ate a Kashi bar...it didn't help that craving go away, as a matter of fact, it probably just made it worse, still I had to wait a lot longer to eat something else.  Ate some string cheese, again it didn't help, some buffalo flavored grilled chicken strips.  It helped me feel full, but the craving was horrendous.  So what did I do?  I got a POPTART.  WTF!!!!???
I took off the sides, and ate part of the middle, and threw the rest away.  My sugar craving was definitely satisfied, and surprisingly I didn't feel completely awful after eating it.  Maybe...maybe...maybe.....my body needed more sugar.  I have no clue, but I did briefly feel better, before the sugar high wore off, and then I just felt even more tired than before.  Note to self:  FRUIT can work, lol.

So I slipped today, it was a rather big slip, and I will pay for it, but I feel better now....=/

So after that, I had more grilled chicken, more cheese, some cheese its (about 8), oh and whole grain cheese its btw, lol.  I thought maybe my body was wanting carbs for whatever reason, usually if you can't kick a craving, its your bodies way of trying to TELL you something.  I will NOT be indulging again, especially in poptarts...I don't even really like them.  But sugar was calling and it was the first thing I saw...another note to self: make kids eat them, and never buy them again, lol.  I also drank some crystal light protein drinks, water, lots of water...I peed a lot today (that's good).

I did not weigh myself today.  The day before, I was at 218.4.  Tomorrow, I will weigh myself, then I will come to my blog, and tell you my weight.  I'm going to be paying for the extra carbs and the extra sugar today, so my hopes aren't too high for another loss.  I feel like I'm almost sabotaging myself.  By my 2 month surgiversary, I want to hit the 45 lbs lost mark.  I'm only about 2.6 lbs away from that, however, I won't be able to weigh myself that day, and I'll have to go with the next day's weigh in.

This weekend, I'm taking my kids to a fair.  We will be doing a lot of walking.  They have food...lots of fried foods, and they also have smoked turkey legs.  My plan is to munch on that turkey leg for lunch, and I'm going to bring a zip lock bag and pull it off, and snack on it the rest of the day if I have to.  Yes, I'm going to be THAT person, lol.  There is NO way, I can eat a whole leg, so zip lock will just have to come to the rescue.  Mostly, I'm going to shop, to check out the neat things they have, and to maybe ride on the rides, and take some awesome pictures of my kids, and family.  Overall, I'm hoping for a good weekend.  I'm bringing my taco soup, my Mom will be making some taco's and as long as I stick with the meat and the cheese, I'll be good to go.

So now that I've written a book, thank you for getting so far, and actually reading this...I probably should have broken into more than one post.  Instead, I rambled, and I must say, my blog helps me get things out, and I'm extremely happy for that.  It really helps me to deal with my emotions, whether or not anyone reads this, I know that I'm getting things out, and that is an amazing thing.

A Success, and a Fail

Officially...on Tuesday, I was exactly 221.2.  A grand total of:

 

GONE!  Poof!

I am now 7 weeks post op...on my way to 8.
Then I got hungry....and lately been feeling more hungry.  Maybe I'm having my TOM issues (I wouldn't know because I haven't had THAT happen for the last 7 weeks, surgery messes with your cycles).  Maybe...I was just hungry.  Either way, I had not one, but TWO Fiber One mini brownies...FAIL!
That isn't a good thing.  Although I will say that they are really yummy and are a great alternative for the real world people, they aren't a great alternative for me right now.  Right now, its all about the protein.  I have had three protein crystal light drinks today, string cheese, sandwich meat, about a 1/2 can of soup, some turkey sausage, and a small slice of sausage from a bbq place nearby.  I had the two small brownies, and have really wanted to carb load today.  I haven't really had much of an issue with carb loading lately, so it all comes at once.  Still, I like to think I did okay.  But I can't be surprised if the scales is quietly cursing me tomorrow morning either.  I need to see the damage.  I also can't celebrate if I've lost.  I need to get back on that pony!

People who have surgeries aren't your average joe people for the most part.  I know I wasn't.  Not in my eating habits at least.  I was and am addicted to food.  Its an addiction that is extremely hard to get out of.  I ate for comfort, out of boredom, I ate when I was feeling lonely, or sad.  It was my go-to comfort.  I have to be very mindful about what I put in my mouth nowadays, and even when I want the comfort.  I had no issues eating those little brownies, I ate them a little at a time.  They do have a lot of fiber in them, and they are much better for me than the average brownie, however, I can't make the excuses I made before I had the surgery.  It isn't okay, especially being only 7 weeks out, to have one or even the TWO that I had.  The food has to be conquered before anything else can be done.  Perhaps its my bodies way of telling me that I need to change something, or my bodies way of telling me that I'm not getting in enough calories.  Whatever the reason, its going to have to stop.  Now.

I really don't want to be that person that fails at this.  I don't want to be the person that is talked about..."oh she had weight loss surgery...its too bad she's gained it all back."  Its my BIGGEST fear.  Like I've said before, I've lost the weight in the past....then I've gained it all back, and most recently, MORE SO.  I'm not going through this *last ditch effort*, so that I can gain this weight back.  I'm ALSO not going through all of this pain (from the blood clots, or whatever else), so that I can have the weight stay on my frame.

I want to be healthy, I want to be happy, I want to play with my kids, and run 5k's again.  Lately, I've been getting more pain, and I'm unsure why.  Maybe the Coumadin isn't at the correct level, I will know more tomorrow about that.  Whatever the case may be, I've been feeling the pain creeping back up, it usually hits me right around 4 or 5 in the evening, and before I go to bed.  I've been taking two percocet pills to get by.  My dr. prescribed me enough for me to taper off to one.  I was able to do one for 2 days.  I thought it was getting better, and unfortunately, I've been feeling a little worse off.  I'm still getting in plenty of protein, and my vitamins to make sure it isn't that.  The only thing I can think is that maybe the Coumadin is failing, or perhaps I ate too much Vitamin K that day....sigh.  The blood clot ordeal isn't over yet, and I still have a long way to go.

Still~medical issues or not, I want to ROCK this sleeve.  I want to start working out, and I find myself getting more tired lately, and feeling the creepings up of the pain.  I don't want to over-do it either.  I don't want the pain, not even a little.  Its all still a learning game for me.  Between my new pouch, my blood clot, my foods, my drinks, and the excessive amount of protein I need every day, I'm still learning, and figuring this whole thing out.

Sometimes, I ask myself if this is all worth it.  Maybe I should just go ahead and EAT that Cinnabon... (lol, KIDDING), but seriously, is this all worth it?  Will it be in the end?  When will I EVER get to goal?  When will I get into ONEderland?  Can I start working out without having pain?  When can I run again?  Ugh...

It can definitely be frustrating.  It gets lonely too.  If I'm lucky, I get to talk to my husband for about an hour a week, and while I'm used to that aspect of my life, my new medical issues just make me want to talk to him more.  I still have a lot of wonderful friends to go to, I still have family to talk to, it isn't the same though.  He knows me better than just about anyone else.  He's the one I want to talk to, and now we are also discussing his impending re-enlistment for indef.  (meaning until he retires for all you civvies out there), we are also discussing what is going to happen when he comes home from his deployment right now.  He will no longer have a job in this company he's apart of, and will have to moved somewhere else on Fort Hood.  This also means that 6 months after he is home...hell, even 3 months after he is home, he could potentially be deployed again for another year.  I can prepare myself for this to happen.  I don't want it to by any means, but its one of those things that sometimes military wives have to be prepared for.  We can only go where the wind takes us, and we were lucky the last two years he was home before this deployment...he was HOME for 2 whole YEARS!!  Since we've been married, we've been LUCKY to have him home for a full year.  Usually he's only been home about 6 months with all of the field times, and schools he has to attend before being deployed again.  So I almost feel like we OWE the Army.  Plus, it will just be us going back to the norm, with the exception that he'll be deployed instead of in school or in the field.  So I have a lot weighing on my mind right now.  I think that is why I turned to the comfort food, and that is why I ate two....and its probably why I'm feeling really hungry right this second as well.  The military life is definitely a stressful life sometimes....

Still, I need to learn to deal with the stress in other ways.  My body will no longer allow me to binge eat (I will literally get sick), but I can still eat things I really shouldn't be eating.  While in the "losing" stages, I need to be extremely mindful of how I'm eating, and what I'm eating.  It is one of the reasons I've started buying organic foods when available (did you know organic eggs, and chickens have more vitamins in them?), I am buying more whole foods when I can (still, the processed brownie was pretty yummy, lol), and I'm also learning to live my life in a totally different way.  I avoid breads, tortilla's (oh how I miss my white flour tortillas), chips, crackers...white starches....I am learning to mend my kids minds to eating nothing but whole wheats, and more vegetables and fruits.  I've always loved fruits and veggies, but its always been way too expensive to buy fresh rather than canned or frozen.  Things are slowly changing.  I find myself LOOKING for high protein, low carb recipes more often.   I even found a protein cookie place...not sure the carbs on it, but it sounds interesting.  I've ordered books upon books to try out new things, but the one thing that is killing me right now, is not having as much fruit and vegetables as I did before.  Like I said, I love my fruit, and I love my veggies.  I'm told to stay away, or eat the exact amount every single day to keep my Coumadin from moving all over the place.  I want to add spinach, and mushrooms, and even salsa to my eggs in the morning...salsa works, mushrooms would work, spinach is really high in vitamin k, and I should probably stay away from that.  I can't have my coffee in the morning, mostly because I love to dump a crap top of sugary fatty creamer into it.  Still...I'm learning.  Small changes can make a world of difference, and I'm slowly coming around.  I hope my scale is still moving in the right direction.  If it isn't, well then, its time to re-evaluate my diet again, and figure out what is working and what isn't!

So close...

I started this journey at a whopping 261.2 lbs.  Its crazy to even remotely SAY that awful number.  Its hideous, and I cringe just thinking about it.  261.2.  Ugh.  How in the world, did I let myself get so heavy?  I had never been so heavy before in my lifetime.  I think the combination of moving, not having as many friends as I did in Germany, or as many good friends as I did in Germany, and then being back in the states took a HUGE toll on me.  I believe when I left Germany, I was barely 200 lbs...one year later and 61.2 lbs heavier.  ICK.

Today, after having gone through complications, then a two week stall on my weight, the numbers are headed back down.  According to my own scale (since its the one I weight most on, its the one I go off of), this morning I was down to 222.2 lbs.  Still not great, but certainly NOT 261.2...what a scary number.  I was over 250...WOW.  I am a month and a half out.  My official weigh in days are Tuesdays (since I had surgery on a Tuesday), so tomorrow that number is null and void if it isn't the same.  Still, I have one lbs to go until I've officially lost 40 lbs on my own scale.  40 lbs in a month and a half is no sorry feat.  The blood clot aided me in this loss.  However, sometimes I feel like I'm not losing fast enough.  Even though when I tell people, sometimes their eyes bulge out of their heads, and they look at me as if I'm crazy.  I've seen others who have had this surgery who lose 80-100 lbs in four months.  WOW, in that sense, I'm way far behind, and need to get moving, lol.  Others, I've seen 2 1/2 months out, and only have lost 20 lbs.  Every single BODY is different.  I just want to be in the group that loses a lot, but who doesn't, right?

I'm still figuring out my new diet and exercise plans.  Yesterday, I went a little crazy and decided to hand scrub every tile and the grout in my dining room.  Its not a small room, I had my oldest daughter following me wiping up my leftover water and soap, and my youngest one tackled the baseboards...yes, I make our Sunday cleanings a family affair.  Still, my dining room looked so freaking awesome afterwards...that is until my youngest got some cranberry juice and apparently spilled it on the floor...I would have LOVED for my hard work to last longer than a few hours, but hey, I have kids, and this just comes with the territory.  Still, for a brief hour or two, it looked AWESOME.  =)
I also washed my couches, vacuumed, did laundry, cut coupons, and somehow managed to watch three movies, all before 11:45 last night.  I get energy later in the day, I've noticed.  Then I go a little nuts with the cleaning and everything.  I think its my bodies way of saying, "Hey...you can work out at ANY time now."  But I confess, I'm scared.

Why am I scared?  Well, because, I've noticed that my incisions are hurting a little.  I'm 6 weeks out from surgery, and this is totally and completely normal.  It usually only happens when I'm exerting myself.  My incisions are almost completely healed inside (they've been healed outside for quite sometime).  So when I exert myself a bit, they do ache a little.  Its normal, and natural.  I mean they did pull out a big portion of my tummy out through one of my incisions.  I really only have issues with two out of the six incisions.  Just the bigger ones.  The smaller once, I hardly even notice.  I have one incision scar that is soooo tiny, I have no clue what they used it for, and it heals more everyday.  I also worry that I'll put myself in pain again.  People have to understand that I was in a LOT of pain the first month after my surgery.  I was regretting EVERYTHING.  I was white knuckled on the ER table, morphine and percocet hardly touched my pain, it was really bad.  So I'm scared to take that next step, because I really don't want anymore pain if I can avoid it.  The incision pain is nothing compared to the pain I felt before.  Still, its like a hot burner...once you get burned, you don't ever want to go back....

Now I am going to share with you some pictures.  Don't mind my undies, and what not.  =P

This was me, about two weeks out from surgery, I was in pain, and not feeling well, but I still took a picture of myself for my hubby.  =)

When I was admitted to the hospital the second time, this is what they classified as food for me.  I believe the orange stuff are carrots, and I think the other is cream of wheat.  Luckily, I was a month out, and was able to request a different food, this is more for just after surgeries...I was seriously just not going to eat, lol.

 Don't mind my undies, or the stretch marks.  You can see my incisions, or some of them, you can also see the horrible bruising from my lovenox shots...can you believe that my bruising actually got much worse after this pic was taken.  I was very colorful, and it took up half of my stomach.  The bruises are completely going away, and have faded to a dark yellow color, but you can kind of see the incisions and how they are healing.  I joked after my surgery that it looked like I'd been stabbed multiple times.  My stomach is also still very swollen from the shots, as well as the surgery.  It takes about 6-8 weeks to heal completely from this surgery, and that includes the swelling.  I noticed recently that the swelling was going down when my pants were falling off, lol!

  Pre-surgery, my cute toes and feet.  These shoes are actually too big for me now, and you can clearly tell in this picture that they weren't too big before surgery.  I'll have to take pics of my feet and toes again.  My cat was so nice to have puked in these sandals that I ended up having to throw them out, and it was just as well, since they were having issues staying on my feet, I'll see if I can find some similar to post though, so you can see the difference in just my feet.  I am a strong believer that my initial 35 lbs was all water, lol.  (That isn't true though, probably the first 10-15 lbs were water weight though)

 The Lovenox shots...I was taking a picture of the size of the needle, and if you look closely, you can even see my facebook, lol!  That needle was not small, and I had to stick myself in the stomach, insert medication, then throw away the needle.  I hope to never have to do that again in my lifetime, but only time will tell.

I am almost at the 40 lbs lost mark, but I lose inches every single day.  I can feel it in my pants.  Other than the swelling after surgery, and the shot swelling, I've already gone down about two sizes, was wearing a 22, and am now in a 18, but even that can be a little bit.  I'm already having to go through my clothes.  A lot of things are either too big, or too small, with this in between stage.

Stephanie