It has certainly been a week...

Sigh...
I've been only doing okay.  I was at 42.8  lbs lost today, which means a grand total of 2.8 lbs in a week.  Its good, its a little more disappointing than the whole 30 some odd pounds in a month, but I need to stop thinking like that.  My weight isn't coming off as quickly as other people's right now, because I'm not able to workout like I want.
I have a problem.  I like to go big or go home.  I start walking on the treadmill, and then end up running 3 miles off and on.  Even if I just walk, half the time, I end up walking 3-6 miles at a time.  I just start feeling soooo good, and start busting it.  I am physically unable to do that right now.  It will literally exhaust me.  I have trouble right now...if I do a lot ONE day, the very next day (and sometimes even for two days after).  Its really bothersome.  I know and realize that a big part of it, is that I'm still healing in some ways...I'm also still dealing with a blood clot.  It can take 3-6 months for this thing to go away.  I'm still in pain a lot of times, it really sucks.  My INR levels aren't where they are supposed to be, so that may have something to do with it.  I truly have no clue.  I will see my hematologist (at least I think that's what he does) on Friday, and I will bring it up and ask about it.  Maybe things need to be checked out again.  I will also ask my surgeon, but my next appointment with him isn't until a few weeks from now.  I'll definitely need to speak to him about my pain meds though, I don't have nearly enough to last me the next two weeks.  =/


This whole entire process has been so much harder than it seems.  I'm still struggling with how to eat, what to eat, how much to eat, how much not to eat.  A lot of it, is really tiring.




Yesterday, I had a long day, I woke up early to wake up my girls, and stepped in two puddles of PEE.  At some point when I was hospitalized, one or both of my dogs peed in my hallway that leads to my kids rooms.  I've been doing everything in my power to get that smell up.  I've used a carpet deodorizer, I've used baking soda, water, my carpet cleaner 3x, I've even tried febreeze.  Nothing was working.  The ammonia/dog pee/kennel smell hits me like a ton of bricks.  Then I woke up to step in it again, yesterday morning.  Of course, the dogs are just marking their territory, or smelling where they peed before and what not.  But I was NOT a happy camper.  Not in the least.  I scrubbed, I blotted, I mixed ingredients to try to get more of it up.  I read soaking the spot in water will help dilute it, so I soaked, I blotted more, I went through two towels.  Then I showered, and got ready for my WLS support group at the hospital.  I haven't been since having surgery, and now that I do feel quite a bit better than I did right after the surgery, I decided to go.  I was late because it took me an extra 20 minutes to follow someone to a parking spot...then I think I accidentally stole it out from under someone...oops!  I didn't mean to, and normally, I would have pulled out once I realized what I did, but I was already 10 minutes late, and I really wanted to attend the meeting.  Luckily, I got there, and barely had a seat, but I got one, and was of course, the last one to enter in there.  It was a good meeting though, and it really helped me to talk to other people going through similar situations.  The camaraderie is fantastic.  Plus, I am now one of those people that can help answer the Pre-Op's questions.  I need to make sure I'm still going to these meetings.  It really felt good to chat with other women that are going or have gone through all of this.  It also helped to answer questions to help out others.
Afterwards, I went to our commissary.  Its a military grocery store for my civilian friends.  I got my bill up to a whopping 200 bucks, before watching that number inch its way back down to 166ish.  I love coupons.  Still, I realized I need to go through my coupons again, I've been really slacking on my couponisms with how I feel and everything.  I spend so much time, organizing, cutting, sorting, and re-organizing, and I like to put it off at times.  Either way, I saved 34 dollars on my bill, and to be honest, its not nearly as good as I could do usually, but my grocery bills are changing.  I am buying organic eggs (they have more vitamins, which I need), I'm buying more expensive, leaner cuts of meat, organic turkey, or all WHITE breast turkey meat (not all turkey is created equal, just sayin'), chicken sausage, and cheeses.  I focus on protein more than anything.  I'm not supposed to eat very much greens, even though I do still eat some...I can't help it.  I love vegetables/fruits, and when I have to stay away from them, it stinks.  Plus I feel better when I eat them.  Still, I stick with protein first, then I go for the other small portions on my plate.  So my bill is going up.  My kids are going to be eating much better because of this as well.  I bought some flax, oatmeal, dark chocolate cookies, that have less carbs than your average cookie, and more protein, but it wasn't cheap.  I refuse to let my kids eat white bread anymore.  Wheat and I mean WHOLE wheat bread is so much better for the kids.  I WAS buying white for the girls, only because its cheaper, but I will start home-making my own bread if I have to...I am not going to be keeping foods that aren't good for us.  I will keep foods that may not be the best thing out there, but still are healthier alternatives to your average cookie, or chip.  For instance...the oatmeal, flax, dark chocolate cookie...I wasn't a huge fan, so I gave them to my girls, guess what...they LOVE them.  I can find something similar to home make for them, now that I know that they will like it.  Anyway, I'm veering off course....
After the grocery excursion, I was already exhausted.  I came home to clean my house as much as possible before my FIL arrived.  He was just passing through, so he took us out to The Olive Garden.  Let me just tell you...there really aren't a lot of healthy choices at restaurants in general.  You can ALWAYS find something that is a good alternative though.  I ordered Apricot grilled chicken with veggies, asparagus, broccoli and tomatoes.  I also got either a salad or a soup...I chose my absolute favorite soup (Zuppa Tuscana anyone?), I ended up eating the broth...it doesn't taste the same as it used to anymore.  =(  I should have gone with the Minestrone, but I wanted to indulge a little.  I did NOT have any bread, and that was an accomplishment worth mentioning.  So I got my meal, ate a half piece of chicken (they give you two smaller grilled flattened chicken breasts), I also ate most of my tomatoes, and I tip of an asparagus.  It was delicious, and I was STUFFED to the gills.  We came home, the girls kept grandpa up for a while longer, and finally we all went to bed.
This morning, after waking the girls up, I went into the kitchen and made some italian seasoned eggs.  I broke 3 eggs, 4 egg whites, added salt and pepper, and some garlic herb seasoning, then added mozzarella cheese.  They turned out well.  The girls loved them...I only had a bite, as I wasn't very hungry.  The girls and Grandpa had the eggs, and a banana, and then they went to school.  Grandpa was on his way, and I was just plain POOPED.
So I've sat in my recliner all day today, catching up on TV shows, and just feeling plain tired, worn out, exhausted, whatever you want to call it.  I've been craving sugar like crazy today, hence the cookie....then I was craving pasta (I haven't craved pasta, at all, since surgery...today was the first day), craving all things bad for me.  Probably due to me being tired, could also be my meds acting up, who knows.  Whatever the reason, I have been grazing all day, and that is a HUGE no-no.  I'm going to have to figure this out still.  I had another bite of my eggs this morning, and didn't feel that they sat well in my stomach, so I threw away the leftovers (eggs don't keep well), so I started the cravings for sugar.  I ate a Kashi bar...it didn't help that craving go away, as a matter of fact, it probably just made it worse, still I had to wait a lot longer to eat something else.  Ate some string cheese, again it didn't help, some buffalo flavored grilled chicken strips.  It helped me feel full, but the craving was horrendous.  So what did I do?  I got a POPTART.  WTF!!!!???
I took off the sides, and ate part of the middle, and threw the rest away.  My sugar craving was definitely satisfied, and surprisingly I didn't feel completely awful after eating it.  Maybe...maybe...maybe.....my body needed more sugar.  I have no clue, but I did briefly feel better, before the sugar high wore off, and then I just felt even more tired than before.  Note to self:  FRUIT can work, lol.

So I slipped today, it was a rather big slip, and I will pay for it, but I feel better now....=/

So after that, I had more grilled chicken, more cheese, some cheese its (about 8), oh and whole grain cheese its btw, lol.  I thought maybe my body was wanting carbs for whatever reason, usually if you can't kick a craving, its your bodies way of trying to TELL you something.  I will NOT be indulging again, especially in poptarts...I don't even really like them.  But sugar was calling and it was the first thing I saw...another note to self: make kids eat them, and never buy them again, lol.  I also drank some crystal light protein drinks, water, lots of water...I peed a lot today (that's good).

I did not weigh myself today.  The day before, I was at 218.4.  Tomorrow, I will weigh myself, then I will come to my blog, and tell you my weight.  I'm going to be paying for the extra carbs and the extra sugar today, so my hopes aren't too high for another loss.  I feel like I'm almost sabotaging myself.  By my 2 month surgiversary, I want to hit the 45 lbs lost mark.  I'm only about 2.6 lbs away from that, however, I won't be able to weigh myself that day, and I'll have to go with the next day's weigh in.

This weekend, I'm taking my kids to a fair.  We will be doing a lot of walking.  They have food...lots of fried foods, and they also have smoked turkey legs.  My plan is to munch on that turkey leg for lunch, and I'm going to bring a zip lock bag and pull it off, and snack on it the rest of the day if I have to.  Yes, I'm going to be THAT person, lol.  There is NO way, I can eat a whole leg, so zip lock will just have to come to the rescue.  Mostly, I'm going to shop, to check out the neat things they have, and to maybe ride on the rides, and take some awesome pictures of my kids, and family.  Overall, I'm hoping for a good weekend.  I'm bringing my taco soup, my Mom will be making some taco's and as long as I stick with the meat and the cheese, I'll be good to go.

So now that I've written a book, thank you for getting so far, and actually reading this...I probably should have broken into more than one post.  Instead, I rambled, and I must say, my blog helps me get things out, and I'm extremely happy for that.  It really helps me to deal with my emotions, whether or not anyone reads this, I know that I'm getting things out, and that is an amazing thing.