So close...

I started this journey at a whopping 261.2 lbs.  Its crazy to even remotely SAY that awful number.  Its hideous, and I cringe just thinking about it.  261.2.  Ugh.  How in the world, did I let myself get so heavy?  I had never been so heavy before in my lifetime.  I think the combination of moving, not having as many friends as I did in Germany, or as many good friends as I did in Germany, and then being back in the states took a HUGE toll on me.  I believe when I left Germany, I was barely 200 lbs...one year later and 61.2 lbs heavier.  ICK.

Today, after having gone through complications, then a two week stall on my weight, the numbers are headed back down.  According to my own scale (since its the one I weight most on, its the one I go off of), this morning I was down to 222.2 lbs.  Still not great, but certainly NOT 261.2...what a scary number.  I was over 250...WOW.  I am a month and a half out.  My official weigh in days are Tuesdays (since I had surgery on a Tuesday), so tomorrow that number is null and void if it isn't the same.  Still, I have one lbs to go until I've officially lost 40 lbs on my own scale.  40 lbs in a month and a half is no sorry feat.  The blood clot aided me in this loss.  However, sometimes I feel like I'm not losing fast enough.  Even though when I tell people, sometimes their eyes bulge out of their heads, and they look at me as if I'm crazy.  I've seen others who have had this surgery who lose 80-100 lbs in four months.  WOW, in that sense, I'm way far behind, and need to get moving, lol.  Others, I've seen 2 1/2 months out, and only have lost 20 lbs.  Every single BODY is different.  I just want to be in the group that loses a lot, but who doesn't, right?

I'm still figuring out my new diet and exercise plans.  Yesterday, I went a little crazy and decided to hand scrub every tile and the grout in my dining room.  Its not a small room, I had my oldest daughter following me wiping up my leftover water and soap, and my youngest one tackled the baseboards...yes, I make our Sunday cleanings a family affair.  Still, my dining room looked so freaking awesome afterwards...that is until my youngest got some cranberry juice and apparently spilled it on the floor...I would have LOVED for my hard work to last longer than a few hours, but hey, I have kids, and this just comes with the territory.  Still, for a brief hour or two, it looked AWESOME.  =)
I also washed my couches, vacuumed, did laundry, cut coupons, and somehow managed to watch three movies, all before 11:45 last night.  I get energy later in the day, I've noticed.  Then I go a little nuts with the cleaning and everything.  I think its my bodies way of saying, "Hey...you can work out at ANY time now."  But I confess, I'm scared.

Why am I scared?  Well, because, I've noticed that my incisions are hurting a little.  I'm 6 weeks out from surgery, and this is totally and completely normal.  It usually only happens when I'm exerting myself.  My incisions are almost completely healed inside (they've been healed outside for quite sometime).  So when I exert myself a bit, they do ache a little.  Its normal, and natural.  I mean they did pull out a big portion of my tummy out through one of my incisions.  I really only have issues with two out of the six incisions.  Just the bigger ones.  The smaller once, I hardly even notice.  I have one incision scar that is soooo tiny, I have no clue what they used it for, and it heals more everyday.  I also worry that I'll put myself in pain again.  People have to understand that I was in a LOT of pain the first month after my surgery.  I was regretting EVERYTHING.  I was white knuckled on the ER table, morphine and percocet hardly touched my pain, it was really bad.  So I'm scared to take that next step, because I really don't want anymore pain if I can avoid it.  The incision pain is nothing compared to the pain I felt before.  Still, its like a hot burner...once you get burned, you don't ever want to go back....

Now I am going to share with you some pictures.  Don't mind my undies, and what not.  =P

This was me, about two weeks out from surgery, I was in pain, and not feeling well, but I still took a picture of myself for my hubby.  =)

When I was admitted to the hospital the second time, this is what they classified as food for me.  I believe the orange stuff are carrots, and I think the other is cream of wheat.  Luckily, I was a month out, and was able to request a different food, this is more for just after surgeries...I was seriously just not going to eat, lol.

 Don't mind my undies, or the stretch marks.  You can see my incisions, or some of them, you can also see the horrible bruising from my lovenox shots...can you believe that my bruising actually got much worse after this pic was taken.  I was very colorful, and it took up half of my stomach.  The bruises are completely going away, and have faded to a dark yellow color, but you can kind of see the incisions and how they are healing.  I joked after my surgery that it looked like I'd been stabbed multiple times.  My stomach is also still very swollen from the shots, as well as the surgery.  It takes about 6-8 weeks to heal completely from this surgery, and that includes the swelling.  I noticed recently that the swelling was going down when my pants were falling off, lol!

  Pre-surgery, my cute toes and feet.  These shoes are actually too big for me now, and you can clearly tell in this picture that they weren't too big before surgery.  I'll have to take pics of my feet and toes again.  My cat was so nice to have puked in these sandals that I ended up having to throw them out, and it was just as well, since they were having issues staying on my feet, I'll see if I can find some similar to post though, so you can see the difference in just my feet.  I am a strong believer that my initial 35 lbs was all water, lol.  (That isn't true though, probably the first 10-15 lbs were water weight though)

 The Lovenox shots...I was taking a picture of the size of the needle, and if you look closely, you can even see my facebook, lol!  That needle was not small, and I had to stick myself in the stomach, insert medication, then throw away the needle.  I hope to never have to do that again in my lifetime, but only time will tell.

I am almost at the 40 lbs lost mark, but I lose inches every single day.  I can feel it in my pants.  Other than the swelling after surgery, and the shot swelling, I've already gone down about two sizes, was wearing a 22, and am now in a 18, but even that can be a little bit.  I'm already having to go through my clothes.  A lot of things are either too big, or too small, with this in between stage.

Stephanie