Bella

This is what I do when my house is cleaned, I want to take pictures and my kids are at school...

She's soooo cute!!

Great weekend...

I had the chance to watch my niece over the weekend.  It was fantastic.  She wore me out, I forgot what its like having a small child in the house.  I had a great time though, and would gladly steal her away from my sister in the future, lol.
We also had a chance to have a fellow couple over for dinner and drinks.  Now, being that I am still trying to LOSE weight, I really shouldn't be eating or drinking the things I had this weekend, but also being where I am in my weight loss journey, it doesn't seem to hurt my efforts.  I maintain instead of lose is the difference.  My husband smoked a brisket on his big green egg, I made some bacon seasoned corn, a ranch pasta salad, a fruit salad and an orange lemon bundt cake.  It was all delicious.  Our friends brought over homemade tortilla's that were just super yummy!  Basically the meal consisted of fatty protein and a ginormous amount of carbs.  Not a great dinner, that is for sure.  I don't want to go back to doing what I was doing before, I don't want to ever get big again, but a treat now and then shouldn't kill me.  I still kept my portions very small.  I had a bite of the tortilla and it filled me up quite quickly, so I didn't eat as much of the other things that I would have needed to.  I still felt that I did okay.  I had the meat, a little bit of corn, a little bit of fruit, and a very small bit of pasta salad.  I haven't had pasta in a really long time, I didn't realize how much it blew up in my tummy.  I had two pieces of pasta and had to spit them out.  I had a very small piece of cake and we sipped wine.  By the end of the night, between chasing after the baby, and cooking a lot of the day and cleaning in preparation, I was exhausted.  I had a great time, but I'm not perfect.  I haven't been perfect in this journey, I don't think I'll ever be perfect.  The most I can hope for, is to get right back on track where I was.  My meals are getting a little bigger, but I'm almost a full year out.  I cannot believe that this time last year, I was 262 lbs and waiting to have surgery.  Its amazing to me.  Today, I'm 144.2 lbs, and I have energy to spare.
My daughter asked what the heck I was doing earlier, you see, when I make my coffee in the morning, I do exercises.  While I'm waiting for it to warm up, I start doing squats, leg lifts, calf raises.  I'm trying to fit it all in whenever I can.  I want to be successful, and I still won't consider my weight loss a success until my husband has been home for a year.  Already, I'm seeing the repercussions of him being home.  My head goes to an entirely different place, maybe its comfort, maybe its not, I'm not sure.  But when he's home, I feel that its okay to have a splurge here or there, but more often than I did than when he was away.  I need to continue with this fight, I have to keep fighting, keep making sure that I can DO this.  I went through so much pain, so much effort, so many different things that I think I would just be devastated to even gain 5 lbs at this point.  I had surgery for a reason, and I need that reason to be with me at all times.

Someday, I hope to get another tattoo.  If I ever get off of my blood thinners, then I can.  I want to get a reminder in white ink on my wrist.  Something that I can see, a reminder all the time.  But not something that people notice immediately when they see me.  I'm not sure if I want to get the highest number of my weight, or just something that says don't ever give up.  I just want something to remind me every single day, on my body.  Sigh.  I hope that my blood clot goes away and I can get off of the meds.  I have to get going back to the doctor to get another MRI to find out if it is gone away, or if I have to basically stay on these meds for the rest of my life.  Nobody said this journey was going to be an easy one!

Either way, right now, if I didn't lose another pound, I think I'd be okay.  I'd LIKE to get lower, but I'm also content where I am.  One of the reasons I'd like to get a little lower is so that 1) I'm not at the high end of the normal BMI (being 145 is the highest, 146 is considered overweight, lol), 2) I'd like to have a bit of cushioning, just in case I did regain a little bit of weight.  My goal weight is 135.  Still 10 lbs away-ish.  The last 10 lbs are the hardest to lose right!?  If I could manage to get down to 125-130, that would be ideal so that I could have a little bit of cushioning.  I do worry that I'd be TOO thin, but I have a dear friend who has done very well with her weight loss journey, she is down to 111 and she looks amazing.  I've never thought she looked too thin.  So hopefully, I could have that type of success as well.  For now, I have to make some new appointments because I'm almost a full year out.  Blood has to be taken to make sure I'm getting in enough vitamins, I have to have a bone density scan, I have to probably get another MRI for my blood clot, and I have to follow up with my nutritionist.  I can still do this right?  Sometimes it gets really overwhelming!

Sweetest niece ever!

Me, completely worn out, loving my niece!!

Room by Emma Donoghue

Jack is a sweet little boy, curious, and mature for his age.  He's intelligent and he loves his Ma more than anything in the world.  Jack's world is a small room in a shed, in a back of a yard.  His Ma and him are locked in, with only a TV with bunny ears that is often fuzzy to view the world 'outside.'  Old Nick tricked Ma 7 years ago, and she's been in Room ever since.  Jack doesn't know that the TV is the world though, he thinks its not real, he believes his Room is his real.  Soon, Ma convinces Jack to pretend he's dead, and he does an amazing job.  He's the savior of their little world, saving Ma and him from a lifetime in Room.  This book takes the reader on a journey through the eyes of a 5 year old little boy, who is very intelligent, his Ma does an amazing job of teaching him to read and write, explaining things in a way he understands.  Soon, Ma and Jack are thrust into the world, Jack is brand new to the world, he's never even been outside in the fresh air before.  He is experiencing everything in the world that you and I would take for granted.  The colors of paints, shoes, foods, anything that we as a culture experience every single day, is brand new for this remarkable 5 year old child.  There are, of course, ups and downs when it comes to living in the 'outside.'  It gets stressful, difficult and at times, he just wants to go back to Room with his Ma.  Ma has a difficult time adjusting as well, 7 years is a long time to be locked away from society, away from the world, people, and family.  The world has changed, people moved on, family has grown.  All in all, this is an amazingly heart wrenching book.  You won't want to put it down after a while.  Wanting to see what could happen next.  What happens to Jack, what happens to Ma.  How are they able to move on and live now that they are outside of Room.  Attachments and change are hard to deal with, especially when you are only 5 years old.

I loved this book.  I will admit that at first, it was a bit difficult trying to read in a 5 year olds language, but the author does a very good job relating to Jack.  You really feel as if you are right there with him.  You end up wanting to hold this sweet child, and make him feel loved.  You may even want to scold him when he does something any other 5 year old would do.  I felt that this book portrayed the characters accurately.  As a Mother, I just wanted to hold onto my children and be grateful for my own life.  I would highly recommend this book, its a MUST read for all.  It will make you want to cry, want to laugh, and want to yell.  That, in my opinion, is what I call a good book.  When it can elicit emotions from the reader.  This book may not be a true story, but it very well could be.  I enjoyed it, and I hope you do as well.

Life

Life at the moment has been trying.  Don't get me wrong, its absolutely wonderful to have my husband home again, however, there is still a big adjustment.  I've heard a lot of wives say that they just go back to normal as soon as their husband comes home.  There is no adjustment period.  For me, this year, that is not the case.  We've been through 4 deployments, a Korea tour, and many many schools in between.  This adjustment is a bit different.  First being that I had surgery, so him adjusting to my way of life now is difficult for him, its also difficult for me to adjust to having another person in the household.  Second, there is the issue of my blood clotting fun.  I will call it fun just because its SO not, lol.  I bruise very very easily, rollercoasters at Disney bruised me, things that most people wouldn't get a bruise from, bruise me.  The bathtub makes my bum sore, things like that, are difficult for him to understand.  We also have to think about the kids.  Autumn is in her tween stage a bit, and while I've gotten used to the hormones in the past year, my husband has not.  Sierra thinks she can get away with more now that Daddy is home, oh and I can't forget the house.  Its a disaster!  Talk about some adjustments!  I'm getting used to having someone in the bed with me, I'm getting used to my husbands messes, I'm getting used to having someone else in the house period.  Sometimes it can still be overwhelming.  Its just a way of life with the Army and being married into it.  Nobody said it was easy, but it certainly takes a certain person to deal with it.

Things will get better, this adjustment is just a bit more difficult.  Especially with my NEW way of life.  I still don't eat very much, and not all foods sit well with me.  Paul wants me to have a glass of wine with him in the evenings sometimes, and while I love to, it just isn't feasible all the time.  I've tried, and there are a lot of wines that don't sit well with my new tummy, I also drink one glass of wine and I'm down for the count, lol.  I don't want to ruin any hard work I've done, I also don't want to waste my calories or carbs on a drink of all things.  Its just another adjustment.  He enjoys having a drink with dinner in the evenings, I would rather not. There is also the fact that my husband received an amazing gift from my Dad.  His new grill.  Its very impressive, I must say, and he doesn't want me cooking the main meat, so I end up doing the vegetables, he does the meat and I occasionally will make a light dessert to go with.  Its been great, but my husband LOVES to cook fatty meats.  He's done ribs, pulled pork, brisket, dark meat chickens, and sausages.  Sounds really good, but its not so great for my tummy, or my weight loss efforts.  I'm used to eating chicken breasts, cheeses, turkey breast, and fish and rarely some steak or beef.  I've discussed these things with him, and he's agreed to let me choose the meats that we eat, and he will figure out a way to cook them, and for special occasions we can have those fatty meats.  He's been amazing when it comes to me discussing my limitations with him, he's very understanding and is doing his best to accommodate me.  I'm extremely grateful, but again, its just been another adjustment.

We just got back from our vacation to Disney World, so the adjustments are becoming more noticeable.  Things will be a little easier when the girls start school again, and he is back at work normally.  I can start working out again, taking care of the meals for the most part, and things won't be in disarray.

Disney World was so much fun.  I absolutely LOVED it.  It rained quite a bit while we were there, but it made the lines less long.  We were able to ride all of the rides, enjoy a lot of shows, and all without the enormous amount of people.  Still, it wasn't all fun when I was a drowned rat shivering my butt off.  It was an experience I will never forget though.

In weight loss news, I'm down to 144 lbs, officially no longer overweight according to my BMI range.  I'm in the NORMAL weight category.  Did I ever really TRULY think that was going to happen, NO WAY!  I'm very impressed, and extremely happy with my progress.  I've lost 118 lbs, and my husband cannot keep his hands OFF of me, lol.  I'm tiny...size 6's, and even those are a bit big at times.  Dresses are a small, shirts are mediums or so...I'm still not comfortable wearing a too tight shirt or anything though.  Loose works for me, and I also have excess skin, especially on my legs.  My butt gets numb after I sit on it a bit, its hard to shave my pits because they are quite literally PITS, lol.  My hair is still falling out, but all of that, I wouldn't trade for the world.  I feel great, I can run and jump around with my kids, I can handle being in the heat, I can handle walking long ways, up and down stairs, I even park a ways away from the store, just because.  I can wear normal clothes, and I'm healthy.  That is the most important thing.  It hasn't always been easy, far from it, actually.  But its all worth it.

Here are some pics from our vacation, it was amazing!

He's home...

Waiting...

 Ready, set, go!

 So happy to have him back in my arms.

Our little family is complete once again.  =)

And here is the difference between last year and this one.  I am 148 in the first picture, and 262 in the second picture.  What a difference!?!  Just for fun, I tried on this outfit that I wore when I dropped him off...the shirt is a dress on me, and I can fit my body in ONE of the pant legs, you know, like the commercials!  I'm so happy with progress!

Reminder...

I probably need to remind myself to come to my blog.  I miss writing.  Sometimes, I just write emails to my husband to get out all of my feelings on something....then I don't much feel like writing anymore on a blog, or I get busy.  Sometimes, I just get lazy.  =/  I will try to be more attentive to my poor blog though.  I have lots of updates, and things as well as pictures!  For now, I'll leave you with the girls' Easter picture, I love it!

Its been a while...

Sorry, things are getting very busy for me lately.  That means good things to come in the next month or so.  My weight is down to 157.6!  I've lost 105 lbs.  Not a small feat, but I'm still going.  I'm killing it at the gym with a friend who is on the same page as me fitness wise, and that helps A LOT!  I'm also much busier doing things around the house and vice versa.  We are probably going to trade in our van to get something smaller, more fuel efficient, and not having mechanical issues, please.  The girls are doing great in school, Autumn is gearing up for the TAKS tests next week.  School is coming to a close which means that this deployment is almost over.  Its been a long, trying year, but we are almost there.  I will update a little more when I have time, just needed to get on here and check in!

Catching butterflies...

Last weekend when I was visiting my Mom, we decided to check out a garage sale, or 5, and along the way, Autumn found a butterfly net.

So this weekend it was beautiful outside, the girls were outside trying to find and catch butterflies, hold them for a few minutes and they were happy to let them go afterwards.  They got a little bit lucky in our own yard, catching two butterflies.

Then I had a brilliant idea.  I decided to take them for a nature walk.  We live in a neighborhood that is being built up.  Its not quite finished and still has a lot of weeds, flowers, and life.  So we took a long walk down the road and found all kinds of fun things.

Fields of weed flowers

Pretty Texas Bluebonnets

 Buzzing little bees

Interesting unique flowers

 The girls getting along

Pretty butterflies galore

Construction anyone?

Someone ought to clean those tracks!

The week is flying by

Is it already Saturday?  Wow, this week flew by for me.  That's a good thing in many many ways.  One because its Saturday and who doesn't love a Saturday.  Two, I am that much closer to my husband coming home to me.  I can't wait.  Three, I get to spend time with my kids.  I don't have a little one at the house anymore, so I don't feel like I get to spend as much time with my kids as I would like.  Soon enough, they won't WANT to spend time with me, so I have to find creative ways to spend time with them right now.  I get lonely.  I have friends, but miss the ones that will come over at the drop of a hat.  I like spending time with people, I also really miss entertaining all the time.  Then again, I hate doing all the cleaning before and after, especially the dishes.  Instead of a maid, I just need someone to come over to my house to do the dishes everyday.  That would be great!
I've been losing weight this week, which is another great thing.  Down to 164.6...will I make it to my goal of having lost 100 lbs by my 8 mos surgiversary?  Only time will tell.  But its only two lbs away too.  I think if I give it my all, it could happen.
Found out that the girls made straight A's on their report cards again this six weeks.  I'm so very happy about that.  I love my smart little nerdy girls!  My oldest literally always has her nose in a book, and I absolutely LOVE it.  Sierra likes books too, but isn't always reading a book where ever she goes.  Its gotten to the point where I have to tell Autumn to pay attention to where she's walking because she might run into something while she's reading.  She reads during dinner...and that isn't a good thing either because it takes her so long to eat as it is.  I just don't have the heart to tell her to take a break from reading.  I'd much rather have my girls reading than watching TV, so it warms my heart when Autumn is sitting on the couch reading, while the rest of us are watching TV.
The dogs are doing well, the cat is always super sweet and curious, no changes there.  I ended up mowing the front and back yard, it looks great now, but I can tell, I'm probably going to have to do it again this week sometime.  The lawn isn't nearly as hard to do now that I've lost so much weight.  I would actually rather mow than do the dishes, lol.
So its another week down, another week closer, and I really can't wait to have him in my arms again.  The deployments are never easy, but it seems to get a little harder to be away from him the longer we've been married...

My nicely mowed backyard!  =)

Something might be working...

The only problem is I don't know what.  I was doing some more reading and researching yesterday and read that someone had tried kick starting their weight loss again by doing alternating a carby day with a not so carby day.  I figured what have I got to lose, and did a carby day.  Somehow I got in quite a few calories.  I also got in quite a few carbs.  I started off with cereal...which I haven't had since before surgery, and I don't think it sat too well with me.  I drank a lot of water, crystal light, and more water throughout the day, but felt weird, and kind of icky yesterday.  I don't know what was going on, it literally felt like my pouch was throbbing.  It was the strangest feeling.  I took a bath yesterday, didn't do much around the house, just a few little things, and kind of vegged out.  Either way, whatever happened, I am down to 165.4 this morning.  Still inching my way downwards, which is a definite good thing.  I need to lose more weight though.
Last night, sometime in the midst of my being so tired I didn't even wake up when Sierra came into my room sleep, Sierra crawled in bed with me.  She's 7 now, and likes to have an elbow, or a leg in my back, along with laying on top of me.  At some point in the night, I woke up, squished between my daughter, and my kitty.  I moved everyone around, and asked Sierra to not come into bed with me unless I say its okay...meaning, if I'm too tired she doesn't just get to crawl in bed with me.  I love my baby, but she's not much of a baby right now, and she needs to sleep in her own bed.  Every now and then she still comes into bed with me, because of a bad dream, or she isn't feeling good, and most of the time, I am too tired to deal with it, so I grab her and snuggle with her.  Last night, I had no clue she came into bed until I felt pain in the middle of my back.  Needless to say, I'm pretty tired this morning.  Going to trudge through.  I had my click coffee, sipping on some water, and also had a B vitamin complex to up my energy.  I'll have a crystal light energy later as well.  For now, I'm going to try to wake myself up, and head to the park for a nice brisk walk.  I have a 5k coming up this weekend that I'm excited about.  I also think I need to start running again.  I believe that my feet are feeling a bit better and can handle the running part of it now.  They still ache at times, but I miss running, and want to start up again.
On the agenda for the day is to walk and chat with a friend, get some much needed groceries, vacuum, and get my kitchen in order, I think I'm going to make some garlic buffalo turkey tonight with some turnip fries (going to try them again).  I will post a recipe if it turns out okay.  I've been craving buffalo style wings or something for a while now, so I'm going to try this recipe to see how it turns out.  Until next time....

Check out our storm the other night!  It was CRAZY!