I have a date...

Its very very soon!  I'm nervous, and scared all at the same time.  I am on a liquids only diet right now.  It definitely isn't easy.  I hope I can do this for a few more days!!  =)

Wow, what a giveaway!

Go visit: 
Energizer Bunnies' Mommy Report
right now, for your chance to win a fantastic vacay!  =)

Why I can't lose weight....

I've mulled it over, I've fought myself..I've worked myself to the bone.  I've starved, I've eaten, I've restricted.  I feel like I've done it all.  I've lost weight, gained it back, lost again, gained even more...its been a cycle that I'm sick of.
Mostly it started when I got married/pregnant.  I wasn't ready to get married.  Paul and I had known each other for 3 months.  We hardly knew each other...we hardly knew who WE were as individuals.  We got married because we thought we loved each other, we got married so that while he was in Korea, I would be taken care of.  We have actually made it relationship wise, but it took a toll on me.  Not only was I very active when I met him, but I could pretty much eat whatever I wanted because of it.  I got a lot of attention, I enjoyed having fun.  I was scared to DEATH of commitment.  I wasn't the committing type back then.
Now we are nearing our 10th anniversary.  September 1st, will actually be our 10th anniversary of dating, December 10th, is our wedding anniversary.  I think I've finally figured out what my biggest issue is.  I get lonely.  Who doesn't, especially in the military life?  Instead of taking my frustrations and loneliness and insecurities out on more healthy things.  I get down, and eat, eating is a "comfort" of sorts for me.

Since, I've struggled so very much though.  I've been mulling over options for me.  I could start all over again and workout for hours a day and eat less, and go back on a diet, but the motivation is gone.  I've done it twice.  I feel like there is no point because I'm going to gain it back when my husband gets home.  And while NOTHING can guarantee that I won't gain weight again, there are things I can do, and measures I can take to help me in my future.

So after months of going back and forth, I've decided to get a surgery.  There are three types that you can get these days.  Bypass, Lapband, and Sleeve.  For me, I think that the bypass is a little too much for me to handle, I realize that it is a great choice for many people, but I'm afraid to do something that drastic, I guess.  It just worries me.  Lapband has the highest risk of failure, a friend of mine had it done, and wishes she hadn't.  She would rather have had the bypass, because after many issues with it, she ended up having to have bypass anyways.  So I've decided that the Sleeve is the best option for me.  I've done everything that needs to be done to get the surgery.  And I'm happy to say that I am number 9 on a list of 11 women waiting to get the surgery.  The first half, already have surgery dates, so I'm thinking I'll be getting a call within the next two weeks informing me of a surgery date.

This is a little nerve racking for me.  I'm nervous saying this on a public blog.  I'm nervous, just saying it out loud.  That is another reason that I've failed in the past, is that I haven't had the support.  At least not for any length of time.  I had a lot of support in Germany, and some great support in Colorado, and while I know I would have great support here as well.  I am doing something that I HOPE will help me to be healthier and remain that way for the rest of my life.

I understand how hard this will be.  I understand that it won't be easy by any means.  I do feel that it will help me in the long run though.  I understand that this will be a lifestyle change and no matter how much I'll want to, I won't be able to go back to the way I was, at least that is my hope.  I understand that things happen, and there is a danger of me gaining weight again.  I understand everything, I've done my research.

I feel that this will be right for me.  Right now it hurts to walk, it hurts to do day to day things, and while it will hurt to get this surgery.  It won't hurt so much to walk later, and I want to walk again, I want to run again, I want to be active again.  I love being active.  It really sucks to feel like I can't be active because of my weight.  So...here is a photo of me the day my husband left.  I normally wouldn't post a photo like this, just because I'm embarrassed.  But now, I really feel like I should, so here it goes:

I will keep you updated on my progress.  It depresses me to show these pictures.  But there it is.  My starting weight is 260 lbs.  =(

Please wish me luck on my journey to a new and better me...for a very long time!

Missing him...

One of the worst things about being a military wife, are the LONG absences from your spouse.  Its been a little over a week now, and I just find myself missing him more often than not.  I've been away from the house for the most part, keeping myself busy, so this week has flown by.  I've enjoyed hanging out with so many of my friends.  I still miss him though...

See ya later...

Goodbyes are not forever.
Goodbyes are not the end.
They simply mean I'll miss you
Until we meet again!
~Author Unknown

I <3 my beautiful family!

My girls make everything worth it.

This is the day he actually left...the other photos are from a different day that he was "supposed" to leave.

I didn't even know I had my sunglasses on.  =S

We are going to miss you, Daddy!

Mommy with her girls!

See ya later!

Stay Safe!

And we LOVE you!

Kids say the funniest things...

Last night, Paul and I watched Gnomeo and Juliet with the girls.  Afterwards, we told them that we were going to watch a rated R movie and that they could either read or watch TV in the den (aka Paul's man cave/fourth bedroom).  Sierra wanted to know why they couldn't watch the rated R movie.  Daddy spoke up and says, "Because it will probably have violence, and bad words, and maybe even sex in it," at which point I entered that it was just "scary."  So Sierra looks at us all funny and runs away.  I called her back in here, since Paul introduced the idea, and she seemed like she might know what we were talking about, I had to get to the bottom of things.  I asked her, do you know what sex is?  She shrugged, and said I think so....so I said, "what do you think sex means?"  She proceeds with "When people are sleeping together, and then they smoke or something," Paul and I started cracking up laughing.  We left it at that.

Personally, I want to know what kids think about certain words.  I know kids talk, and if they know what a certain word means, I want to know what their impression of it.  Is it wrong that I didn't correct her?  I personally don't want her to even know the word sex exists, but realistically, she already does.  And TV must have taught her that sex also equals smoking, lol.  It doesn't in this household, but I think maybe on certain comedy shows that it might.  I can't help it if my girls see certain things, and to be honest unless it is rated R (and not shown on normal television), I won't stop them from watching it.  The girls like The Simpsons, they get a kick out of How I met your Mother, Autumn even enjoys watching The Biggest Loser with me.  All I'm saying is that you can't shelter your child at all times, no matter how much you want to.  I asked Paul why he said the s word to our 6 year old.  He said he was just being honest.  He has a point.  I just wanted to write it off as scary, it works better for me that way.  Someday, if my daughters ask about sex and I feel that they are at an appropriate age to hear and learn about it, I'll be more honest.  For now, I'm just going to let them think that its when two people sleep together, and then go smoke, LOL!

Still waiting...

Well folks, the time came...the time went....nothing happened.  I am not a patient person, and it frazzles me when my schedule gets disrupted.  Basically my whole entire life is on hold at the moment.  Gotta love the Army.  IF you don't know what I'm talking about, I'm sorry, but that's all I can say.  If you do know what I'm talking about, congrats to you for knowing the way the Army works, lol.

Okay, seriously, not trying to be bitchy or anything, just a lil frustrated.  Sometimes this life is filled with emotional roller coasters...still, I wouldn't trade our life.  We have a great life, but I do still want to tear my hair out sometimes, lol.  ITS NATURAL!!!  =P

In other news, lots of big changes coming this way soon.  The girls will be out for the summer, and I have to figure out what to do with them.  I have some company coming in July, possibly more company in August, and things are about to get extremely busy for me.  For now, I'm biding my time in the waiting mode of this life...there are soooo many waiting modes...there is the good waiting, the annoying waiting, the I don't want to wait, but I have to waiting...sigh...I'm sure I'm missing some.

I'm sorry for being a downer, just grin and ignore me please!  Oh and look at the pretty picture of the lake...maybe we'll go to the lake this weekend...hmmm...

Greening things up!

I am definitely NOT the GREENest person out there.  But I do have plenty of hippy in me.  I don't know why, maybe the movie that Al Gore made really hit home with me (you know An Inconvenient Truth, if you haven't seen it, you probably should).  Maybe I learned a few things in school, maybe I've always been a bit of a hippy and now its coming out more as I get older.  Or maybe I'm just taking some of the things I learned in Germany to my here and now...Germany is VERY "green"!  Whatever the reason, I've decided that our household needs to become more "green".  We can only do the things we can afford, and we can only do a few things here and there, but I still feel good about our choices.  Plus, it comes with perks...saving money on your utility bill, feeling good about what you are doing, and helping the environment.  If everyone put forth just a small amount of effort, our world would be a better place, awwww...see I can be corny sometimes!

So what am I doing to help?  What types of things have I implemented into our household?

The very first thing I did when we got here, was add recycling to our monthly trash bill.  Its only about $3 more a month, which isn't a HUGE deal, but it still makes an impact.  I don't think a person should HAVE to pay if they want to recycle, I think it should be a free service that is supplemented by the government.  Still, I am willing to pay that extra $3 a month to help out.

 

 

 Another thing we are doing is replacing our lights with energy saving lights....not only do they last longer, but they can get brighter in a lot of cases, and you will save money on your electric bill!  Drawbacks...sometimes they aren't pretty, but you can get the ones that are prettier, and they are also way more expensive.  For me, the good outweighs the bad.

  We have been planting trees, and I hope to do a lot more in and around our house.  I have a Pachira Aquatica aka Money tree in my bathroom..its a beautiful tree, and its getting bigger everyday.  Plus its resilient to my not so green thumb!

I also have a cute little bamboo plant I the kitchen!

There is my little bamboo plant.  If you look on the window, you'll also see the some homemade bird feeders that my kids made at a Lowes build to grow event.   It is one of the ways we are attracting more birds into our yard, so that hopefully, we will have less mosquito's.  Don't know if anyone has told you...mosquito's SUCK!  Ha ha!  I know...bad joke.  I have learned from my husband, so blame him.

Another thing I'm super happy about, is our new trees.  We bought some semi mature trees, an Oklahoma Redbud tree, and a gorgeous Ash tree.  Both are supposed to do well in this climate.  The Ash is more of a shade tree, and it will grow quickly here.  The shade will cool the house eventually, and help out with the air conditioning bill.  My pretty Redbud tree is more for show than anything, but hey, I'm helping the environment.  Depending on the time of year, the blooms will eventually look like this: 

Photo courtesy of Shade Maker Trees

So how are you going green?

He is dead...but what does that mean for us??

In the news Osama bin Laden, has been pronounced dead.  What does that mean for the military?  Probably backlash, and horrific fights ahead.  Just because he's gone, doesn't mean the next person isn't ready and waiting to step in his place.  I think Martin Luther King Jr. said it best...

"I mourn the loss of thousands of precious lives, but I will not rejoice in the death of one, not even an enemy." - Martin Luther King, Jr

What do you do before a deployment??

Paul and I have a few small traditions that we always do right before he deploys.  It involves money, or credit cards, fun, and spoiling our kids.
This weekend was Easter.  Paul and I usually go all out for the holidays that he is home, whether it be Christmas or Columbus Day, its a HUGE deal in this house.  The reason being, is that he's rarely home for any holidays.  So when he is, we do a huge thing.  When he's gone, the girls and I do something together, or do something with friends.  Since this weekend was Easter, we went all out, as per usual.  The girls wake up with their Easter "baskets" in front of their doors from the Easter bunny.  They each got a small pillow pet (on sale), a jewelry making kit (clearance for 3.17 at Target), and a memories kit (also clearance at Target 4.48).  The rest of their gift bag was filled with a small lunch box (clearance 1.87, Target), and dollar items like pencils, and a few candies, oh and a tootsie roll bank (because I had one when I was little!!).  Then they got to do an Easter egg hunt, dye 3 eggs each, and we went to the Lake for a goodbye/Easter bbq with friends.  It was a great Easter.  I didn't get to do a big cooking day or anything, but it was still very nice the way it all turned out.  The girls only got a little bit of candy in their Easter eggs, they also found $1, .25, and .10.  But soooo what?  I spoiled my kids.  I enjoy spoiling them, and I don't see what the big deal is.  Some people joke that it isn't Christmas, I know that, and the girls aren't getting as much as they do for Christmas, but they get a few little things that they can have fun with.  What's the big deal?  Especially when you have faces like this....

Anyway, so that also comes into the MONEY thing.  We tend to spend quite a bit right before he leaves.  Not only for the things he needs while deployed, but also for other minor/major things....for instance, do you remember my black fridge in this pic???

Well, our black fridge has been morphed into this.....

Please excuse the mess, and please excuse my camera phone pics...but it sure is pretty isn't it?

It was costly as well, but it will help me during the deployment.  The other fridge really didn't work for us, and it didn't have a built in water filter...plus we replaced the sink, so we can't have our old PUR water filter on our new faucet (which is AWESOME btw).

OLD SINK/ The BEFORE pic

And the NEW baby!!  The AFTER sink!!!  It's MUCH deeper, with a brand new, awesome faucet, oh and a soap dispenser, oh and its composite granite...sweet!

Yes, we spend money, yes we spoil our kids, yes we do as many fun things as possible.  We won't see him for a whole entire year (other than the two weeks for leave that he gets).  We won't be able to spend holidays with him, we won't be able to talk to him as often, we won't be able to hang out with him, or cook for him.  This deployment will be harder on the girls, especially Sierra.  She's going to have a hard time adjusting.  Its always hard on me, I mean it really sucks to say goodbye to your best friend for a year.

Plus...when he's gone.  I save money.  The girls won't get as much during the holidays.  We don't go out to eat very often, we do a lot more around the house, and we save up as much money as we can while he's gone.  Just so we can start all over again when he comes home...