Life

Life at the moment has been trying.  Don't get me wrong, its absolutely wonderful to have my husband home again, however, there is still a big adjustment.  I've heard a lot of wives say that they just go back to normal as soon as their husband comes home.  There is no adjustment period.  For me, this year, that is not the case.  We've been through 4 deployments, a Korea tour, and many many schools in between.  This adjustment is a bit different.  First being that I had surgery, so him adjusting to my way of life now is difficult for him, its also difficult for me to adjust to having another person in the household.  Second, there is the issue of my blood clotting fun.  I will call it fun just because its SO not, lol.  I bruise very very easily, rollercoasters at Disney bruised me, things that most people wouldn't get a bruise from, bruise me.  The bathtub makes my bum sore, things like that, are difficult for him to understand.  We also have to think about the kids.  Autumn is in her tween stage a bit, and while I've gotten used to the hormones in the past year, my husband has not.  Sierra thinks she can get away with more now that Daddy is home, oh and I can't forget the house.  Its a disaster!  Talk about some adjustments!  I'm getting used to having someone in the bed with me, I'm getting used to my husbands messes, I'm getting used to having someone else in the house period.  Sometimes it can still be overwhelming.  Its just a way of life with the Army and being married into it.  Nobody said it was easy, but it certainly takes a certain person to deal with it.

Things will get better, this adjustment is just a bit more difficult.  Especially with my NEW way of life.  I still don't eat very much, and not all foods sit well with me.  Paul wants me to have a glass of wine with him in the evenings sometimes, and while I love to, it just isn't feasible all the time.  I've tried, and there are a lot of wines that don't sit well with my new tummy, I also drink one glass of wine and I'm down for the count, lol.  I don't want to ruin any hard work I've done, I also don't want to waste my calories or carbs on a drink of all things.  Its just another adjustment.  He enjoys having a drink with dinner in the evenings, I would rather not. There is also the fact that my husband received an amazing gift from my Dad.  His new grill.  Its very impressive, I must say, and he doesn't want me cooking the main meat, so I end up doing the vegetables, he does the meat and I occasionally will make a light dessert to go with.  Its been great, but my husband LOVES to cook fatty meats.  He's done ribs, pulled pork, brisket, dark meat chickens, and sausages.  Sounds really good, but its not so great for my tummy, or my weight loss efforts.  I'm used to eating chicken breasts, cheeses, turkey breast, and fish and rarely some steak or beef.  I've discussed these things with him, and he's agreed to let me choose the meats that we eat, and he will figure out a way to cook them, and for special occasions we can have those fatty meats.  He's been amazing when it comes to me discussing my limitations with him, he's very understanding and is doing his best to accommodate me.  I'm extremely grateful, but again, its just been another adjustment.

We just got back from our vacation to Disney World, so the adjustments are becoming more noticeable.  Things will be a little easier when the girls start school again, and he is back at work normally.  I can start working out again, taking care of the meals for the most part, and things won't be in disarray.

Disney World was so much fun.  I absolutely LOVED it.  It rained quite a bit while we were there, but it made the lines less long.  We were able to ride all of the rides, enjoy a lot of shows, and all without the enormous amount of people.  Still, it wasn't all fun when I was a drowned rat shivering my butt off.  It was an experience I will never forget though.

In weight loss news, I'm down to 144 lbs, officially no longer overweight according to my BMI range.  I'm in the NORMAL weight category.  Did I ever really TRULY think that was going to happen, NO WAY!  I'm very impressed, and extremely happy with my progress.  I've lost 118 lbs, and my husband cannot keep his hands OFF of me, lol.  I'm tiny...size 6's, and even those are a bit big at times.  Dresses are a small, shirts are mediums or so...I'm still not comfortable wearing a too tight shirt or anything though.  Loose works for me, and I also have excess skin, especially on my legs.  My butt gets numb after I sit on it a bit, its hard to shave my pits because they are quite literally PITS, lol.  My hair is still falling out, but all of that, I wouldn't trade for the world.  I feel great, I can run and jump around with my kids, I can handle being in the heat, I can handle walking long ways, up and down stairs, I even park a ways away from the store, just because.  I can wear normal clothes, and I'm healthy.  That is the most important thing.  It hasn't always been easy, far from it, actually.  But its all worth it.

Here are some pics from our vacation, it was amazing!

He's home...

Waiting...

 Ready, set, go!

 So happy to have him back in my arms.

Our little family is complete once again.  =)

And here is the difference between last year and this one.  I am 148 in the first picture, and 262 in the second picture.  What a difference!?!  Just for fun, I tried on this outfit that I wore when I dropped him off...the shirt is a dress on me, and I can fit my body in ONE of the pant legs, you know, like the commercials!  I'm so happy with progress!

Reminder...

I probably need to remind myself to come to my blog.  I miss writing.  Sometimes, I just write emails to my husband to get out all of my feelings on something....then I don't much feel like writing anymore on a blog, or I get busy.  Sometimes, I just get lazy.  =/  I will try to be more attentive to my poor blog though.  I have lots of updates, and things as well as pictures!  For now, I'll leave you with the girls' Easter picture, I love it!

Its been a while...

Sorry, things are getting very busy for me lately.  That means good things to come in the next month or so.  My weight is down to 157.6!  I've lost 105 lbs.  Not a small feat, but I'm still going.  I'm killing it at the gym with a friend who is on the same page as me fitness wise, and that helps A LOT!  I'm also much busier doing things around the house and vice versa.  We are probably going to trade in our van to get something smaller, more fuel efficient, and not having mechanical issues, please.  The girls are doing great in school, Autumn is gearing up for the TAKS tests next week.  School is coming to a close which means that this deployment is almost over.  Its been a long, trying year, but we are almost there.  I will update a little more when I have time, just needed to get on here and check in!

Catching butterflies...

Last weekend when I was visiting my Mom, we decided to check out a garage sale, or 5, and along the way, Autumn found a butterfly net.

So this weekend it was beautiful outside, the girls were outside trying to find and catch butterflies, hold them for a few minutes and they were happy to let them go afterwards.  They got a little bit lucky in our own yard, catching two butterflies.

Then I had a brilliant idea.  I decided to take them for a nature walk.  We live in a neighborhood that is being built up.  Its not quite finished and still has a lot of weeds, flowers, and life.  So we took a long walk down the road and found all kinds of fun things.

Fields of weed flowers

Pretty Texas Bluebonnets

 Buzzing little bees

Interesting unique flowers

 The girls getting along

Pretty butterflies galore

Construction anyone?

Someone ought to clean those tracks!

The week is flying by

Is it already Saturday?  Wow, this week flew by for me.  That's a good thing in many many ways.  One because its Saturday and who doesn't love a Saturday.  Two, I am that much closer to my husband coming home to me.  I can't wait.  Three, I get to spend time with my kids.  I don't have a little one at the house anymore, so I don't feel like I get to spend as much time with my kids as I would like.  Soon enough, they won't WANT to spend time with me, so I have to find creative ways to spend time with them right now.  I get lonely.  I have friends, but miss the ones that will come over at the drop of a hat.  I like spending time with people, I also really miss entertaining all the time.  Then again, I hate doing all the cleaning before and after, especially the dishes.  Instead of a maid, I just need someone to come over to my house to do the dishes everyday.  That would be great!
I've been losing weight this week, which is another great thing.  Down to 164.6...will I make it to my goal of having lost 100 lbs by my 8 mos surgiversary?  Only time will tell.  But its only two lbs away too.  I think if I give it my all, it could happen.
Found out that the girls made straight A's on their report cards again this six weeks.  I'm so very happy about that.  I love my smart little nerdy girls!  My oldest literally always has her nose in a book, and I absolutely LOVE it.  Sierra likes books too, but isn't always reading a book where ever she goes.  Its gotten to the point where I have to tell Autumn to pay attention to where she's walking because she might run into something while she's reading.  She reads during dinner...and that isn't a good thing either because it takes her so long to eat as it is.  I just don't have the heart to tell her to take a break from reading.  I'd much rather have my girls reading than watching TV, so it warms my heart when Autumn is sitting on the couch reading, while the rest of us are watching TV.
The dogs are doing well, the cat is always super sweet and curious, no changes there.  I ended up mowing the front and back yard, it looks great now, but I can tell, I'm probably going to have to do it again this week sometime.  The lawn isn't nearly as hard to do now that I've lost so much weight.  I would actually rather mow than do the dishes, lol.
So its another week down, another week closer, and I really can't wait to have him in my arms again.  The deployments are never easy, but it seems to get a little harder to be away from him the longer we've been married...

My nicely mowed backyard!  =)

Something might be working...

The only problem is I don't know what.  I was doing some more reading and researching yesterday and read that someone had tried kick starting their weight loss again by doing alternating a carby day with a not so carby day.  I figured what have I got to lose, and did a carby day.  Somehow I got in quite a few calories.  I also got in quite a few carbs.  I started off with cereal...which I haven't had since before surgery, and I don't think it sat too well with me.  I drank a lot of water, crystal light, and more water throughout the day, but felt weird, and kind of icky yesterday.  I don't know what was going on, it literally felt like my pouch was throbbing.  It was the strangest feeling.  I took a bath yesterday, didn't do much around the house, just a few little things, and kind of vegged out.  Either way, whatever happened, I am down to 165.4 this morning.  Still inching my way downwards, which is a definite good thing.  I need to lose more weight though.
Last night, sometime in the midst of my being so tired I didn't even wake up when Sierra came into my room sleep, Sierra crawled in bed with me.  She's 7 now, and likes to have an elbow, or a leg in my back, along with laying on top of me.  At some point in the night, I woke up, squished between my daughter, and my kitty.  I moved everyone around, and asked Sierra to not come into bed with me unless I say its okay...meaning, if I'm too tired she doesn't just get to crawl in bed with me.  I love my baby, but she's not much of a baby right now, and she needs to sleep in her own bed.  Every now and then she still comes into bed with me, because of a bad dream, or she isn't feeling good, and most of the time, I am too tired to deal with it, so I grab her and snuggle with her.  Last night, I had no clue she came into bed until I felt pain in the middle of my back.  Needless to say, I'm pretty tired this morning.  Going to trudge through.  I had my click coffee, sipping on some water, and also had a B vitamin complex to up my energy.  I'll have a crystal light energy later as well.  For now, I'm going to try to wake myself up, and head to the park for a nice brisk walk.  I have a 5k coming up this weekend that I'm excited about.  I also think I need to start running again.  I believe that my feet are feeling a bit better and can handle the running part of it now.  They still ache at times, but I miss running, and want to start up again.
On the agenda for the day is to walk and chat with a friend, get some much needed groceries, vacuum, and get my kitchen in order, I think I'm going to make some garlic buffalo turkey tonight with some turnip fries (going to try them again).  I will post a recipe if it turns out okay.  I've been craving buffalo style wings or something for a while now, so I'm going to try this recipe to see how it turns out.  Until next time....

Check out our storm the other night!  It was CRAZY!

Frustration...

Since I hit 6 months out post surgery, I've noticed a big slow down in the weight loss department.  Sure, I'm still losing, but at a rate significantly smaller than previous months.  Lets go over my weight loss thus far.
M1: 36.2 lbs
M2: 7 lbs
M3: 11 lbs
M4: 8.6 lbs
M5: 14.4 lbs
M6: 6.6 lbs
M7: 5.6 lbs
M8: (so far): 4.8 lbs

Now granted, my weight loss is going to slow down, but its slowed down so much that its gotten very frustrating.  The first month it is normal to lose an excessive amount of weight.  A lot of it is water weight, and your body being in shock.  The second month through the 6th month are fairly normal.  Then we get to month 7 and the start of month 8.  I'm not officially on month 8, but I'm nearing it.  Perhaps I'll lose the same amount as I have earlier in the month and things will start looking a little more normal, for now I'm just frustrated.  I'm still losing, just as much much slower rate than I was before.  Getting on the scale every day doesn't help, but unless I'm away or out of town, or busy that morning, its really hard not to see where I'm at.  My goal originally was to get down to 140 lbs before my husband comes home from Afghanistan.  That is another 26 lbs in just a few months.  Its starting to look unrealistic.  What was I doing before to cause me to lose so much weight?  My 14 lb month was amazing.  How did I do that?  It wasn't good eating, as a matter of fact, Paul had just left for R&R and things weren't going too well for me.  I filled my days being down, the holidays were near so I indulged in things that aren't so good.  Somehow I still lost 14 lbs?  What about the 11 lb month?  It was really soon after surgery, and I'd just come off of a stall due to the blood clot issues.  But months 6, 7, and so far 8 have been progressively lower loss wise.  I'm not near goal yet.  I still have a ways to go.  I've been scoping out the internet, researching stalls, plateaus, finding hints tricks and ideas on how to get through it.  Everyone has a different opinion.  Everyone has a different view.  I have to find what could work for me.
In other news, my energy levels are gradually going up.  I find I have more energy around 1 in the afternoon, so I think my workouts need to happen at that time.  Mornings haven't been working for me, unless I'm just walking with a friend at the park, but an actual workout will require more motivation on my part.  The weather hasn't been cooperating so I've just been doing things around the house.  Yesterday, I cleaned the entire house, did 6 loads of laundry, put it away, tried on clothes, and believe me trying on a bunch of clothes is a workout in itself.  My stepmom gave me a bunch of clothes.  Some fit, some aren't my style or are too big, and some are just a tad too small.  I'm keeping the ones I like that fit, and the smaller sizes, the others I will be donating to a Relay for Life yard sale coming up in April.  I'm very grateful for the clothes as I haven't really been given any this time around, and am in need.  I have a feeling that now that I have all these clothes all of the sudden my weight loss will kick start itself again, and then these will all be too big.  I wouldn't complain because I would be closer to my goal, but I also don't want to have to start buying clothing if I'm going to continue dropping weight.
So due to the frustration, I've been looking at diets, and I feel like I'm going back to old habits, being on the next fad diet or something.  I don't want that.  What I've done has been working for me, but I wonder if a more structured meal plan would be better for me to follow.  Still, a lot of meal plans don't take into consideration that I can only eat 2-4 oz of food at any given time.  I'm convinced that I could make some good money writing my own book and getting hints, tips and tricks from others.  Advice, meals to try etc.  There isn't a huge market for post surgery related books, but one of these days, even if its just for my own benefit, I may decide to make something for myself.  My own 'book' of all of these things.

Anywho~ here are some recent pictures of me!

  

This was me on my 29th birthday (2/28)

Trying to show that the scars really aren't that bad, you can hardly see them in this pic.  Please excuse the frowny face, I was more concentrated on taking a pic of the body rather than the face in this one, lol.

How am I doing?

It has been 7 months since my surgery, well about 7 1/2 months.  I wanted to update.  I started at 262.2, today, weighed in at 166.2.  Total loss so far is 96 lbs.  Wow.  That still amazes me.  My weight loss has slowed drastically.  Basically that means that I just need to workout more.  My workouts are sporadic, but my eating is getting better by the day.  I still slip, don't we all?  This isn't a magic pill, its a tool in my arsenal.  If I don't use the tool correctly I'm going to fail.  I'm still following a lower carb diet.  Mostly whole foods.  I try to seek out organic foods, and grass fed meats, or organic meats rather than anything else.  Its not exactly easy in this city to find good healthy things.  I have to travel about an hour away to get a great selection of organic foods, and grass fed meats, fresh seafood etc.  I'm still a foodie, I still LOVE foods, but I'm finding new ones to love.
One of my new favorites is a portabella pizza.  I put a little spaghetti sauce on a small portabella, some mozzarella or provolone cheese, and turkey pepperoni's (usually only 3-4).  Its delicious and very filling.  I also eat a lot of string cheese.  Organic apples with natural peanut butter is great, grapes when the sweet tooth is calling, and I absolutely love to make 'strawberry cheesecakes.'  I take one graham cracker half, put 1 tbl of regular cream cheese (more protein), depending on the size of the strawberry one half, or one whole strawberry, and top it off with some sugar free whipped cream.  Such a wonderful treat.
My kids are getting used to eating the way I do.  Without having a husband here, and just having my kids, they end up eating a lot of the same foods I do.  They get way more treats, and still get to eat basically whatever they want for their lunches, but dinners usually involve some sort of meat, eggs, or cheese, and veggies.  We are figuring it out as we go.  I haven't really craved rice, pasta or bread, but if its in front of me, I will take a bite.  So I try to just stay away from foods like that.  I ordered fajita's at a restaurant the other night, and immediately said NO to the tortilla's.  I will just eat the meats and veggies instead.
I have a great support network around me.  Others who have also gone through the surgery, or a similar one, and are going through, or have gone through the same things.  They are also more fitness minded rather than food minded....and I find myself becoming less and less food minded.  I used to worry about what to make for dinner, or what to make for breakfast, and what to do for lunch constantly.  I used to think about food constantly.  Now, its more of an after thought for me.  I can get by eating a protein bar for a meal, or even a piece of string cheese.  I constantly have nuts or a kind bar in my purse, and always bring water and sometimes crystal light with me.

Some of my new favorite products:
Quest Bars  (so far, I've only tried chocolate brownie, cinnamon roll, and strawberry cheesecake, and loved the latter two)
Click Protein Coffee (this stuff is to die for, its delicious, tastes like a latte, and gives me that coffee that I loved so much)
Kind Bars (all natural, bars with nuts, and natural flavorings, great in a crunch, but I like the mini's the best)
Crystal light energy (sometimes it tastes too sweet, but I love the boost of energy I get from it)

Things I've realized over the past few months:
Wow, did I eat a lot.  The other night, I was at dinner with a few people and looked around me.  Not only did they finish every morsel on their own plates, but they also had a half of a big appetizer.  I realized that I used to eat that much or more sometimes...WOW.
I have more energy now, to do things that I like to do, to help people.  I visited family not long ago, and was helping go through things, that used to exhaust me by the end of the day, but I had energy to spare.  I was also able to go a few places, help bring some heavy boxes in, and load up my vehicle with a bunch of heavy bags.  Its amazing the things that I can do these days.
I still have that fat chick in me though.  I have to watch out for her.  Sometimes she's still in there SCREAMING at me to get me to eat more, or eat something that I shouldn't.  For instance, I ate a part of a cannoli, and I am able to treat myself occasionally.  I wanted to eat the whole entire thing though, and I would have in the past, not sharing with anyone.  This time, I shared with my daughter, who was more than happy to share it with me, and I got a tummy ache from eating a little bit too much of it.  Lesson learned, and I have to remind myself that she's still in there, still wanting to get out.

I'm still fearful that I'll fail at this.  I'm still fearful that I will start gaining weight.  My husband is coming home from his deployment in the near future, and I'm interested in learning how to adjust our lives around each other while he is home.  Its easier when he's gone, I control everything around here.  Food as well.  When he's home, its a little harder.  He likes treats, and he likes to go out to eat and enjoy himself.  I just have to keep reminding myself to keep my head on straight.

Overall, I love my sleeve.  I love how I feel, and I am grateful to have received this surgery.  It was a last ditch effort for me.  I'd gotten desperate.  My new tummy helps me in keeping with my goals though.  It reminds me when I've eaten too much, it talks to me a lot more when I have gassier foods, and it doesn't allow me to eat like I once did.  I want to continue being successful, and I think I will.

Thoughts...

Today, I'm thinking about my husband.  We haven't been able to talk for quite a while due to phones being out, or other circumstances that haven't been allowing us to speak online or on the phone.  Its bringing me down, to an extreme.  I'm used to talking to him at least once a week, and not knowing when he can call, or not knowing the next time I'll talk to him is dragging me way down.  So I wonder, what did women do a few years ago when phones and internet access was hardly there?  I know they wrote letters, and that is similar to what I do, I email him just about daily, and if it wasn't available, I would be sure to write to him.  Email is faster though, lol.  But how did these women survive?  Rarely did they receive mail back and half the time most of it was blacked out.  Its crazy to think of what technology has done to the world.  We are extremely spoiled, we have cars, tv's, internet, cameras, toys, video games, and so many other avenues of technology that its a wonder that people still need companionship.  I do though, it sucks not hearing from him.  Maybe if I had gone into the deployment knowing I probably wouldn't hear or talk to him, things would be a little easier.  Maybe if I could have been prepared the last time I talked to him that I wouldn't hear from him again for a few weeks.  Who knows.  What I do know, is that I feel down, depressed, and the only thing that helps is my support network.  Friends, and family that can be there for me.  I hate to be a burden though.  I don't like asking for help, or asking for someone to hang out with me, I sound desperate, but its times like these that I really need friends.  Mainly people going through the same things.  You'll see Army wives usually hanging out with other Army wives that their husbands are deployed, or a clique of Army wives whose husbands are home.  Commonalities aren't hard to come by.
I have, at least, 7 more years of this though.  I'll have to say goodbye to old friends, and make new ones all the time.  I'm grateful for the ones that I do make though.  Overall, Army wives are some of the most caring people I've ever met...with the occasional nutball, but we ALL have to be a little crazy in order to survive this life, right?