Umm..yeah..

I don't really know what to say or do to jump right back in it, but I feel that I should visit my blog today, and write.  So I'm just going to dive right back in.
A few things have happened in the past few weeks.  1. I started a new med for anti depression. 2. I started working more at customer service than as a cashier.  3.  I've started gaining weight.  =/
This is SO NOT OKAY.  In any sense of the word.  I've had to re-evaluate my diet, my exercise, my life!  I bought a fit bit, and I use that sucker, but I've noticed that I definitely don't walk as much as I used to when I was a cashier.  I walk about half as much, and sometimes as little as a 1/3 as much.  So my plan is to start walking or jogging in the morning.  In order to do that, I need to wake up at the butt crack of dawn so I can get to work by 8 am.  However, my schedule isn't going to be the same for forever.  I'm in the midst of training someone to take my morning shifts, so I can be trained as a bookkeeper, which probably means even less walking.  So I use my fit bit.  It gives me an idea of what I've been doing or not been doing.  So I have that going against me.  I do stand all day at work, but sometimes I get home and I'm just exhausted, mentally and physically and don't feel like doing anything, so I sit....that soooo doesn't help.
The new medication could also have something to do with my energy levels, it could even have something to do with my eating habits a little.  Either way, I definitely need to talk to the dr. again about it.  I do feel that I don't have the energy that I had on my previous medication, and my moods haven't really improved since I started this new medication.  In fact, I'd rather go back to my old medication rather than have this one if it comes to that.  But I know the dr.'s, they will probably try me on a few different drugs before they and I am happy with the situation.
My weight hasn't creeped up tremendously, but enough for me to put on the wide eyes and be all, "HELL NO."
My lowest weight was 137 lbs, since starting my journey 2 years ago.  I've always struggled with my weight, and 2 years ago, it all changed, I didn't have to struggle anymore.  I was able to relax a little more about it.  Then I gradually climbed up to about 142 and I was pretty content with that.  Not super happy, but definitely content.  For me to be super happy with my weight, I have to be toned, at a great weight, and have no excess skin...so yeah, fat chance of that one happening, lol.  Anyway, over the past year, since my husband came home from deployment and moving down to San Antonio, my weight finally climbed and stayed right at 145.  Just recently though, its climbed to 153 as of this morning.  Granted, last night was a bit bad, I felt really funny right before bed, like I was getting shaky and just didn't feel right.  Usually thats a sign that I'm really hungry.  I had eaten earlier that night, but I ended up having a protein bar, and felt much better afterwards.  I'm also quite sure I'm retaining just a tiny bit of water from having some chinese food for dinner last night.  Sigh.  Out with the bad, in with the good.  So basically I'm re-evaluating everything.  Getting back to basics.  If that means protein protein protein, then so be it.
We have guests coming down this weekend.  I know that things won't be as good as they can be.  I can do what I can for the remainder of the week though, and then re-start everything beginning Sunday.  No more white carbs, no breads, no potatoes, no rice, no pasta.  I've been very successful with my low carb diet in the past, and I know I can be successful at it again.  That isn't ALL I have to do, though it will be my main focus, I also have to start exercising more.  I love exercising, so I don't know why this is all of the sudden such an issue.  Perhaps its because my treadmill doesn't want to work correctly, or I just like making excuses.  I basically need to blow the dust off of my workout dvds and re-start those as well.  I can also get up more, move more, maybe take a walk after dinner, or at least take a walk with the kids when they walk the dog.  Something, anything to get me back on track.

One thing, I am really proud of, is I ran (mostly) a 5K this past weekend.  I've been sore ever since, but I did run the bulk of it.  I'm a slow runner though, so Paul basically just bounced right next to me, lol.  It was a ton of fun, I LOVE doing things like that, and Paul has basically given me the go ahead to maybe look into doing that more often.  I'm so excited, its something him and I can do together that I don't feel is just sitting around on our butts watching tv or something lazy.  Its motivating that he's willing to give up his Saturday morning to come on a run with me.  I'm really excited about the prospect.  However, my schedule isn't usually as great as it has been lately, so we'll have to plan it out a little better.  I do have a foam fest 5K coming up in October that we are doing in Austin, and that ought to be a blast.  I figure if we do one 5K every month, we are doing something right, right?  And I'm pretty confident that work will allow me one Saturday a month if I ask for it off in time.

I've lost this weight.  Over 100 lbs, I had to go through a LOT to get there, a blood clot, and a lot more struggles throughout the journey.  Now that I'm finally not on blood thinners, and I've lost most of the weight, I can't give up.  Its not allowed.  I cannot and will not get back to where I once was, obese and unhappy.  I may have gained some weight, but now its time to get back on track...

AND we've moved!

Paul got stationed down at Fort Sam, so we are living in the gorgeous big city that is San Antonio!  I'm so excited, and a little stressed, we snagged a great big house though, so that will help when I want people to come visit.  We've been trying out restaurants, and checking out shops, we are trying to get renters into our old house, that's been financially straining, but hopefully soon we will have renters, otherwise, our credit cards are going to start going up, up, and up.  But instead of talking about our financial issues right now, I wanted to share one of the first restaurants that we tried down here.  Its called Siam, its a Thai food restaurant in Schertz, TX.  Talk about awesome.  I've NEVER had traditional Thai food, so we went and we tried this egg dish with tomatoes and onions, mouthwatering good, but sweet and different.  Then we also tried a noodle dish with rice noodles, beef and veggies, it was amazing.  We, of course, had no leftovers because Paul and I have implemented a new system.  WE order two adult meals, and we share with the kids, it works for us, and forces our girls to try something new and not get a grilled cheese that I can make at home for less than a dollar at a restaurant.  I'm so proud of my girls, they tried everything and liked most of it, they were weirded out by the egg dish, but all is well in the world and we had a great time!  It DOES take a while for the food to come out, but I'm a strong believer that its because the food is made fresh to order, I also know a bit of European culture having been to Germany and while Europe is nowhere near Thailand, I know that Europe is big on family and also takes a while to get your food out, so you have a chance to chat with your family before the meal.  Americans are so rushed these days, we all want to get in, get out, and get on with life.  I'm guilty too, however, sometimes its nice to sit and rest, and chit chat with my girls.  They are very excited to be moving and checking out a new school.  We can't wait to see what this new adventure brings to us.  For now, I have no job, and nothing in my house to occupy me, so don't be surprised if I come visit more often!  =)

P.S.  I was so hungry that I forgot to take pictures, but you can be sure in my next review of a restaurant that pictures will be taken, and will be making you drool...at least I hope so...it is a win win for both of us, lol.

Tragedy...

Lately, its been on my mind.  The awful horrific tragedy in CT on Friday.  You see, I was perfectly content, at work Friday evening, when I finally walked into the break room to be inundated with news stories of the absolutely horrible outcome of the shooting of 26 people.  20 of those people were small children, 6 and 7 years old.  You know, all I can do is cry for these people.  I remember getting upset with my girls on Friday morning because they were taking too long to get ready for school, I still gave them hugs and kisses, told them that I loved them, and that I'd see them after I got off work that night.  Who could have ever thought that those poor 20 children would never get to say goodbye to their parents again, hold their parents hands, give them a hug and a kiss and head off to school.  Its been tearing me up, learning about the things that happened.  A 27 year old teacher locked her kids up in cabinets and told the shooter that her kids were already in the gym, so he shot her, and went to the gym...she died, but she died a hero, saving every single one of her children.  The only sole survivor of the classroom that was gunned down was a little girl who had the foresight to play dead among all of her classmates.  She was the first one out of the school and was covered in blood from head to toe.  None of these lives will ever ever be the same.  All because of another child....a 20 year old boy, who decided to shoot up this school of innocent children.  The only conclusion that I can think of, and it may be true or not, I really don't know, but I wonder if somehow in his skewed mind he thought that his mother (the first victim shot at their house) loved her students more than him, so he went on a rampage.  Maybe it will make me sleep better at night to think something like that.  Either way there is true evil in the world.  Its heartbreaking, its devastating, and it just reminds me of the fact that we may not know how much time we have left.  Hug those kids, love them, don't yell at them.  I'm a cashier at a grocery store and over the last few days, I see parents frustrated, yelling at their kids, and it breaks my heart because I can't help but think what a parent in CT would give just to be able to see their sweet little boy or girl again.  I get frustrated with my kids too, I find myself getting upset with them as well, but I also am trying to remind myself that life still has to go on.  We never ever know what could happen.  We just have to live our lives in a way that makes us better people.  I can't even begin to imagine what the parents are going through, I honestly don't think I could handle it.  As a mom, as a parent, I just cannot fathom what I would do if one or both of my children were murdered in cold blood...I just can't believe that anyone could be so cold....but it does happen.
You know when Columbine happened, I was in high school, myself.  It didn't affect me except to make me more aware of danger.  We had bomb threats afterwards and I got a cell phone to hopefully ensure that if something happened, I could at least call someone.  When 9/11 happened, I cried, I wasn't a mother at the time, and couldn't relate as well, it was awful, so many people lost their lives that day, including little ones in daycare.  Maybe I'm just older, but those tragedies haven't hit home with me like this one has.  I have a 10 year old, and an 8 year old, I love my kids fiercely, and would give anything for them to have a good/happy life.  To me, someone purposefully going into an elementary school, shooting innocent children, its just horrific....it touches me more because I am a mother, what if that had been my child, or my children?  I feel so incredibly sad for those affected by this tragedy.  I wish there was something I could do that would help ease the pain of some of those people.  In a few months, this tragedy won't be as fresh, things will get back to normal and I hope that I can remind myself to be a little nicer, hug a little harder, and enjoy them a little more.  Its absolutely unspeakable how awful this whole tragedy is.  I sincerely hope that nothing like this EVER happens again, its sad when its scary to send my kids to school....

Please please please, just make sure you love on your kids and don't get so mad the next time they are frustrating you, think about the parents that would give anything to have their babies back right now, even just to get frustrated with them....

Bella

This is what I do when my house is cleaned, I want to take pictures and my kids are at school...

She's soooo cute!!

Great weekend...

I had the chance to watch my niece over the weekend.  It was fantastic.  She wore me out, I forgot what its like having a small child in the house.  I had a great time though, and would gladly steal her away from my sister in the future, lol.
We also had a chance to have a fellow couple over for dinner and drinks.  Now, being that I am still trying to LOSE weight, I really shouldn't be eating or drinking the things I had this weekend, but also being where I am in my weight loss journey, it doesn't seem to hurt my efforts.  I maintain instead of lose is the difference.  My husband smoked a brisket on his big green egg, I made some bacon seasoned corn, a ranch pasta salad, a fruit salad and an orange lemon bundt cake.  It was all delicious.  Our friends brought over homemade tortilla's that were just super yummy!  Basically the meal consisted of fatty protein and a ginormous amount of carbs.  Not a great dinner, that is for sure.  I don't want to go back to doing what I was doing before, I don't want to ever get big again, but a treat now and then shouldn't kill me.  I still kept my portions very small.  I had a bite of the tortilla and it filled me up quite quickly, so I didn't eat as much of the other things that I would have needed to.  I still felt that I did okay.  I had the meat, a little bit of corn, a little bit of fruit, and a very small bit of pasta salad.  I haven't had pasta in a really long time, I didn't realize how much it blew up in my tummy.  I had two pieces of pasta and had to spit them out.  I had a very small piece of cake and we sipped wine.  By the end of the night, between chasing after the baby, and cooking a lot of the day and cleaning in preparation, I was exhausted.  I had a great time, but I'm not perfect.  I haven't been perfect in this journey, I don't think I'll ever be perfect.  The most I can hope for, is to get right back on track where I was.  My meals are getting a little bigger, but I'm almost a full year out.  I cannot believe that this time last year, I was 262 lbs and waiting to have surgery.  Its amazing to me.  Today, I'm 144.2 lbs, and I have energy to spare.
My daughter asked what the heck I was doing earlier, you see, when I make my coffee in the morning, I do exercises.  While I'm waiting for it to warm up, I start doing squats, leg lifts, calf raises.  I'm trying to fit it all in whenever I can.  I want to be successful, and I still won't consider my weight loss a success until my husband has been home for a year.  Already, I'm seeing the repercussions of him being home.  My head goes to an entirely different place, maybe its comfort, maybe its not, I'm not sure.  But when he's home, I feel that its okay to have a splurge here or there, but more often than I did than when he was away.  I need to continue with this fight, I have to keep fighting, keep making sure that I can DO this.  I went through so much pain, so much effort, so many different things that I think I would just be devastated to even gain 5 lbs at this point.  I had surgery for a reason, and I need that reason to be with me at all times.

Someday, I hope to get another tattoo.  If I ever get off of my blood thinners, then I can.  I want to get a reminder in white ink on my wrist.  Something that I can see, a reminder all the time.  But not something that people notice immediately when they see me.  I'm not sure if I want to get the highest number of my weight, or just something that says don't ever give up.  I just want something to remind me every single day, on my body.  Sigh.  I hope that my blood clot goes away and I can get off of the meds.  I have to get going back to the doctor to get another MRI to find out if it is gone away, or if I have to basically stay on these meds for the rest of my life.  Nobody said this journey was going to be an easy one!

Either way, right now, if I didn't lose another pound, I think I'd be okay.  I'd LIKE to get lower, but I'm also content where I am.  One of the reasons I'd like to get a little lower is so that 1) I'm not at the high end of the normal BMI (being 145 is the highest, 146 is considered overweight, lol), 2) I'd like to have a bit of cushioning, just in case I did regain a little bit of weight.  My goal weight is 135.  Still 10 lbs away-ish.  The last 10 lbs are the hardest to lose right!?  If I could manage to get down to 125-130, that would be ideal so that I could have a little bit of cushioning.  I do worry that I'd be TOO thin, but I have a dear friend who has done very well with her weight loss journey, she is down to 111 and she looks amazing.  I've never thought she looked too thin.  So hopefully, I could have that type of success as well.  For now, I have to make some new appointments because I'm almost a full year out.  Blood has to be taken to make sure I'm getting in enough vitamins, I have to have a bone density scan, I have to probably get another MRI for my blood clot, and I have to follow up with my nutritionist.  I can still do this right?  Sometimes it gets really overwhelming!

Sweetest niece ever!

Me, completely worn out, loving my niece!!

Room by Emma Donoghue

Jack is a sweet little boy, curious, and mature for his age.  He's intelligent and he loves his Ma more than anything in the world.  Jack's world is a small room in a shed, in a back of a yard.  His Ma and him are locked in, with only a TV with bunny ears that is often fuzzy to view the world 'outside.'  Old Nick tricked Ma 7 years ago, and she's been in Room ever since.  Jack doesn't know that the TV is the world though, he thinks its not real, he believes his Room is his real.  Soon, Ma convinces Jack to pretend he's dead, and he does an amazing job.  He's the savior of their little world, saving Ma and him from a lifetime in Room.  This book takes the reader on a journey through the eyes of a 5 year old little boy, who is very intelligent, his Ma does an amazing job of teaching him to read and write, explaining things in a way he understands.  Soon, Ma and Jack are thrust into the world, Jack is brand new to the world, he's never even been outside in the fresh air before.  He is experiencing everything in the world that you and I would take for granted.  The colors of paints, shoes, foods, anything that we as a culture experience every single day, is brand new for this remarkable 5 year old child.  There are, of course, ups and downs when it comes to living in the 'outside.'  It gets stressful, difficult and at times, he just wants to go back to Room with his Ma.  Ma has a difficult time adjusting as well, 7 years is a long time to be locked away from society, away from the world, people, and family.  The world has changed, people moved on, family has grown.  All in all, this is an amazingly heart wrenching book.  You won't want to put it down after a while.  Wanting to see what could happen next.  What happens to Jack, what happens to Ma.  How are they able to move on and live now that they are outside of Room.  Attachments and change are hard to deal with, especially when you are only 5 years old.

I loved this book.  I will admit that at first, it was a bit difficult trying to read in a 5 year olds language, but the author does a very good job relating to Jack.  You really feel as if you are right there with him.  You end up wanting to hold this sweet child, and make him feel loved.  You may even want to scold him when he does something any other 5 year old would do.  I felt that this book portrayed the characters accurately.  As a Mother, I just wanted to hold onto my children and be grateful for my own life.  I would highly recommend this book, its a MUST read for all.  It will make you want to cry, want to laugh, and want to yell.  That, in my opinion, is what I call a good book.  When it can elicit emotions from the reader.  This book may not be a true story, but it very well could be.  I enjoyed it, and I hope you do as well.

Life

Life at the moment has been trying.  Don't get me wrong, its absolutely wonderful to have my husband home again, however, there is still a big adjustment.  I've heard a lot of wives say that they just go back to normal as soon as their husband comes home.  There is no adjustment period.  For me, this year, that is not the case.  We've been through 4 deployments, a Korea tour, and many many schools in between.  This adjustment is a bit different.  First being that I had surgery, so him adjusting to my way of life now is difficult for him, its also difficult for me to adjust to having another person in the household.  Second, there is the issue of my blood clotting fun.  I will call it fun just because its SO not, lol.  I bruise very very easily, rollercoasters at Disney bruised me, things that most people wouldn't get a bruise from, bruise me.  The bathtub makes my bum sore, things like that, are difficult for him to understand.  We also have to think about the kids.  Autumn is in her tween stage a bit, and while I've gotten used to the hormones in the past year, my husband has not.  Sierra thinks she can get away with more now that Daddy is home, oh and I can't forget the house.  Its a disaster!  Talk about some adjustments!  I'm getting used to having someone in the bed with me, I'm getting used to my husbands messes, I'm getting used to having someone else in the house period.  Sometimes it can still be overwhelming.  Its just a way of life with the Army and being married into it.  Nobody said it was easy, but it certainly takes a certain person to deal with it.

Things will get better, this adjustment is just a bit more difficult.  Especially with my NEW way of life.  I still don't eat very much, and not all foods sit well with me.  Paul wants me to have a glass of wine with him in the evenings sometimes, and while I love to, it just isn't feasible all the time.  I've tried, and there are a lot of wines that don't sit well with my new tummy, I also drink one glass of wine and I'm down for the count, lol.  I don't want to ruin any hard work I've done, I also don't want to waste my calories or carbs on a drink of all things.  Its just another adjustment.  He enjoys having a drink with dinner in the evenings, I would rather not. There is also the fact that my husband received an amazing gift from my Dad.  His new grill.  Its very impressive, I must say, and he doesn't want me cooking the main meat, so I end up doing the vegetables, he does the meat and I occasionally will make a light dessert to go with.  Its been great, but my husband LOVES to cook fatty meats.  He's done ribs, pulled pork, brisket, dark meat chickens, and sausages.  Sounds really good, but its not so great for my tummy, or my weight loss efforts.  I'm used to eating chicken breasts, cheeses, turkey breast, and fish and rarely some steak or beef.  I've discussed these things with him, and he's agreed to let me choose the meats that we eat, and he will figure out a way to cook them, and for special occasions we can have those fatty meats.  He's been amazing when it comes to me discussing my limitations with him, he's very understanding and is doing his best to accommodate me.  I'm extremely grateful, but again, its just been another adjustment.

We just got back from our vacation to Disney World, so the adjustments are becoming more noticeable.  Things will be a little easier when the girls start school again, and he is back at work normally.  I can start working out again, taking care of the meals for the most part, and things won't be in disarray.

Disney World was so much fun.  I absolutely LOVED it.  It rained quite a bit while we were there, but it made the lines less long.  We were able to ride all of the rides, enjoy a lot of shows, and all without the enormous amount of people.  Still, it wasn't all fun when I was a drowned rat shivering my butt off.  It was an experience I will never forget though.

In weight loss news, I'm down to 144 lbs, officially no longer overweight according to my BMI range.  I'm in the NORMAL weight category.  Did I ever really TRULY think that was going to happen, NO WAY!  I'm very impressed, and extremely happy with my progress.  I've lost 118 lbs, and my husband cannot keep his hands OFF of me, lol.  I'm tiny...size 6's, and even those are a bit big at times.  Dresses are a small, shirts are mediums or so...I'm still not comfortable wearing a too tight shirt or anything though.  Loose works for me, and I also have excess skin, especially on my legs.  My butt gets numb after I sit on it a bit, its hard to shave my pits because they are quite literally PITS, lol.  My hair is still falling out, but all of that, I wouldn't trade for the world.  I feel great, I can run and jump around with my kids, I can handle being in the heat, I can handle walking long ways, up and down stairs, I even park a ways away from the store, just because.  I can wear normal clothes, and I'm healthy.  That is the most important thing.  It hasn't always been easy, far from it, actually.  But its all worth it.

Here are some pics from our vacation, it was amazing!

He's home...

Waiting...

 Ready, set, go!

 So happy to have him back in my arms.

Our little family is complete once again.  =)

And here is the difference between last year and this one.  I am 148 in the first picture, and 262 in the second picture.  What a difference!?!  Just for fun, I tried on this outfit that I wore when I dropped him off...the shirt is a dress on me, and I can fit my body in ONE of the pant legs, you know, like the commercials!  I'm so happy with progress!

Reminder...

I probably need to remind myself to come to my blog.  I miss writing.  Sometimes, I just write emails to my husband to get out all of my feelings on something....then I don't much feel like writing anymore on a blog, or I get busy.  Sometimes, I just get lazy.  =/  I will try to be more attentive to my poor blog though.  I have lots of updates, and things as well as pictures!  For now, I'll leave you with the girls' Easter picture, I love it!

Its been a while...

Sorry, things are getting very busy for me lately.  That means good things to come in the next month or so.  My weight is down to 157.6!  I've lost 105 lbs.  Not a small feat, but I'm still going.  I'm killing it at the gym with a friend who is on the same page as me fitness wise, and that helps A LOT!  I'm also much busier doing things around the house and vice versa.  We are probably going to trade in our van to get something smaller, more fuel efficient, and not having mechanical issues, please.  The girls are doing great in school, Autumn is gearing up for the TAKS tests next week.  School is coming to a close which means that this deployment is almost over.  Its been a long, trying year, but we are almost there.  I will update a little more when I have time, just needed to get on here and check in!